Time goes by quickly when you are doing nothing. I guess doing nothing is not correct. I have been procrastinating have projects that need completion, reports to write, but my motivation is low to non-existent when it comes to getting out of bed and staying awake. Forget about being productive. I have been hibernating to stay away from germs, which didn't prevent me from getting pneumonia with multiple organisms. Then my tooth broke! I had it pulled! I am confident about my smile yet I feel like between the cavities I have recently discovered and the work I need completed that I am going to look like a jack-o-lantern. No one told me that my medication and diabetes would contribute to poor dentition. I feel incredibly cheated. All of my illnesses have been invisible and I think that allowed me some normalcy in living my life. Perhaps some of the barriers were experienced to a lesser degree. There is a double edge sword to this concept though because I was often asked to prove that I required handicapped parking and other acccessibility issues.

Processing the effects of fear...

During the short time lapse in my blog, I have been blessed to have new faces added to my world: the faces of children in my life. No, they are not mine, but close. I am blessed to be the Aunt to 7! So I must say that there has been a lot to love with these little pieces of me, though not always the blood kind of relatives, I have so much to share about what children have taught me so far... Stay tuned...

Dreams

I mentioned my total lack of sleep last night and here it is the withching hour again and despite minimal napping to restore what is deficient from earlier this week, I am here yet again

I love trivia, even moreso when sleep deprived so check out these  "facts" below. Note that the site 25facts.com does not "cite the source," so I can not verify other than to say that the statememts are thought provoking and interesting.

25 Weird Facts About Dreams

• Snoring and dreaming cannot occur at the same time, You can experience only one out these two.
• The average person dreams about 4 times during night, which makes it around 1,460 dreams per year.
• Most of us are unaware of the fact that we become temporarily paralyzed in a dreaming state.
• The longest dreams occurs in the morning which is approximately 30-45 minutes long. An average person dreams every 90 minutes
• “Oneirology” is the scientific study of dreams.
• Every human being dreams except for those who are suffering from serious mental disorders. You cannot say that you don’t dream, You just forgets almost 90% of the dreams within 10 minutes of awakening
• People who are born blind cannot see any images in their dreams, they only have a dream of sense of sound, smell, touch and emotion. But those who are not born blind can see dreams like a normal human being.
• Have you noticed that we see only familiar faces in our dreams. You will not see a single person in the dream who is unfamiliar.
• Men and women dream differently. about 70% characters in men dreams will be men, but this not the case with women dreams as their dreams contains almost same number of men and women.
• While dreaming you cannot only have sex with your partner but you can also experience a strong orgasm like you have in your real life.


• You can Control your dreams by controlling your body’s vital energy, by doing Buddhist exercise of yoga.
• Your dream indicates different things like sadness or unresolved grief if you find yourself in a cemetary.
• If you see chocolates in your dreams, it may symbolize that the dreamer feels the need to be rewarded and deserves special treatment.
• You can experience more vivid dreams if you are given Vitamin B complex (B6) and St. John’s Wort.
• Dreams existed since ancient times, one of them is Flying dream. These dreams existed even before the invention of the Aeroplanes.
• Psychologists strongly believed that daydreaming and dreams during sleep may be related to each other with different cognitive processes.
• The archangel Gabriel is considered the archangel of childbirth, emotions, and dreams.
• Our dreams carry deep meanings that only the subconscious mind can understand. Dreams speak in indirect language.
• It is very difficult to remember our complete dream. When we wake up we fail to remember even a single sequence of the dream we had during the night.
• Not all people dream in colour, some people only dream in black and white. almost 70% of people dream in colors and the rest may not be able to dream in colors.
• Chronic smokers who suddenly quit report more vivid dreams than they had when they smoked
• Scientific studies have revealed that animals and especially mammals dream like human beings.
• According to some weird studies, it is revealed that an adult have less nightmares that children do.
• Some poets and many great scientists have discovered different things during their sleep, they wrote about their dream as soon as they woke up. Some of them are Newton, Graham Bell who were inspired by their dreams.
• Feet in dreams can symbolize everything from sex to humiliation. They can also represent mobility, freedom, or a foundation.

Again, no academic citations, but for entertainment purposes!

To sleep perchance to dream

I am out of luck when it comes to sleep tonight I guess. It's 5:30am and despite cutting out caffeine, lying peacefully while relaxing, some medication, and a slew of other techniques I recommend often, professionally, but have less frequently found success personally. WHY? Isn't it the most frustrating. I did not take a nap, which can be a culprit to distort circadian rhythms. I did a righteous amount of exercise and activity today, even some yoga breathing- nothing. I will take any suggestions you might offer. Send them my way!

CF and achievement

What is about individuals with Cystic Fibrosis and levels of high achievement? I resumed my blogging tonight (since John has been asleep for about two and half hours,) and discovered a veritable bevy of blogs of cf-ers like me. So many are pursuing leadership degrees and work. Go US! Kick that CF upside its genetically mutated head. It definitely proves that despite a pair of shitty lungs, diabetes and a skanky pancreas, there is nothing wrong with our brains! Bravo and Keep Breathing!

 

That's right...I AM still here! The good news is so is this blog. I thought that perhaps it would disappear into the great cyber abyss yet, here she is. Even though it has been a while (nearly two years, who's counting?), my blog was here waiting for me to post when I was ready. I must admit that it has been long overdue. At this point in my life, I have overcome some major hurdles. Namely, celebrating the anniversaries of 10 plus years of my double lung transplant and 5 plus for my kidney. Though I have had some serious setbacks, I am alive and even the best Vegas odd makers would have called me in a while ago. I failed to publish my "story" (in traditional form), after a lot of reflection and "processing," as we call it in the field of counseling because of my fear that once my story was out, so would my reason for being. I feared that death would be inevitable once my story was told. What I have learned is that death is inevitable for every one anyway and as for my "story," well, it's been told online and nothing "happened."

Not only is writing therapeutic, but it gets better with practice. I'm a bit rusty. So let's get started. I hope that you will pick up where you left off in following my life and that it teaches and inspires. I have decided that pehaps that is why I have been around this long- 35 years damn it and proud. Welcome back, Dear Reader and for me, Welcome Home!

 

This is still me!

I can't believe that I made it to 33! So many reasons to celebrate life today. I am truly thankful.

Despite a bunch of health woes that plagued 2009, I was able to go to Florida for a vacation in April 2010. I stayed with Kelli Belfabulous and we attended Carrie's wedding. Yes, Carrie, my old roommate tied the knot to David Longest. I am happy that she found love. I am vain though and not pleased at the effects the prednisone has on my face and body. I am a moonfaced puffball and I am sure those who had not seen me saw the same. I am blessed to have friends that could give a shit less, puffy or not, and still enjoyed the Boni time. I laughed a lot more than I had in a while. It was needed. I think that with the winter and my health it was deserved and needed.

Times have changed immensely since the last time I undertook posting. In the world of facebook and instant updates via text, even blog technology seems obsolete. Yes, blogging in part was a selfish practice to keep people involved in the minutae of my life, but it was also a way for me to process what exactly was going on in my life. It seems that at this point, blogging might help with my insomnia and current state of affairs in life. So alas, I will attempt to blog with some regularity again starting now 5/20/10 and see what comes of it.

Is it really possible that I have not blogged at all in 2009?

Finishing my research and then writing my thesis clearly took priority over blogging and rightfully so. 2009 was not easy. I lost my best friend Detroit Joe due to an immune reaction. He passed away in June just before my birthday. June was spent dealing with illness and mourning. Through Detroit will never be replaced, I welcomed a new fuzzy friend Scampi in my life. I forgot what puppy parenting was like! Finally, I became Dr. Balboni in August and I'm at a loss as to what to do with my life next. I guess I'll enjoy this for the time being!

I have been so busy with school yet, I am not overwhelmed. A little fearful that I won't have enough people return completed surveys, but not overwhelmed. As I have named my blog, so have I named my thesis. Below, I have copied the passage that connects to how I imagine organ donation transpires. It is dramatic and beautiful, a romanticized version of death. IF YOU ARE A TRANSPLANT CANDIDATE, RECIPIENT, LIVING DONOR, LIVING DONOR CANDIDATE (CURRENT OR PREVIOUSLY EVALUATED) OR YOU ARE A FAMILY MEMBER, PLEASE CONTACT ME TO PARTICIPATE IN MY STUDY. MY RESEARCH CONCLUDES ON 12/31/08!

Five Weeks in a Balloon by Jules Verne- Chapter 23
A magnificent night overspread the earth, and the missionary lay quietly asleep in utter exhaustion.
"He'll not get over it!" sighed Joe. "Poor young fellow--scarcely thirty years of age!"
"He'll die in our arms. His breathing, which was so feeble before, is growing weaker still, and I can do nothing to save him," said the doctor, despairingly.
"The infamous scoundrels!" exclaimed Joe, grinding his teeth, in one of those fits of rage that came over him at long intervals; "and to think that, in spite of all, this good man could find words only to pity them, to excuse, to pardon them!"
"Heaven has given him a lovely night, Joe--his last on earth, perhaps! He will suffer but little more after this, and his dying will be only a peaceful falling asleep."
The dying man uttered some broken words, and the doctor at once went to him. His breathing became difficult, and he asked for air. The curtains were drawn entirely back, and he inhaled with rapture the light breezes of that clear, beautiful night. The stars sent him their trembling rays, and the moon wrapped him in the white winding-sheet of its effulgence.
"My friends," said he, in an enfeebled voice, "I am going. May God requite you, and bring you to your safe harbor! May he pay for me the debt of gratitude that I owe to you!"
"You must still hope," replied Kennedy. "This is but a passing fit of weakness. You will not die. How could any one die on this beautiful summer night?"
"Death is at hand," replied the missionary, "I know it! Let me look it in the face! Death, the commencement of things eternal, is but the end of earthly cares. Place me upon my knees, my brethren, I beseech you!"
Kennedy lifted him up, and it was distressing to see his weakened limbs bend under him.
"My God! my God!" exclaimed the dying apostle, "have pity on me!"
His countenance shone. Far above that earth on which he had known no joys; in the midst of that night which sent to him its softest radiance; on the way to that heaven toward which he uplifted his spirit, as though in a miraculous assumption, he seemed already to live and breathe in the new existence.