PANCREAS TRANSPLANT COMING MY WAY...
Well, it looks like the pancreas transplant is a go. I have been described as "an ideal candidate" and heck, what's one more person's DNA in my body. I do want to make sure that I don't need like a liver or something else ridiculous in a year before I sign the papers. Because I could have had a pancreas when I got the kidney, you know. Let's make sure we look at the big picture. I have been a bit absent from blogging, emailing and phone chat has been on the relapse, absent as well. Most of my days have consisted of watching Heather, napping, eating garbage and the solace of planting flowers.
I feel invisible with no school and this new mother role. My identity has shifted so greatly and dramatically in the past couple of months. I'm a little blue, really. I hate Sundays. That's when Heather's real mother is supposed to call, and she ususally doesn't, or when she does, it's for like 3 minutes and this poor two year old has no idea who is on the other end of the phone line. Kevin gets worked up looking at the clock tick by and finally he realizes she doesn't call. He says he isn't but I can tell, or maybe it's just my transference to him. I just look at this little girl and wonder how some mother's can be baby machines and then just drop these kids, without even a clue about what she looks like, whether she is healthy, what her favorite foodis, or how she likes to play. My stomach ends up in knots.
I feel like a loser because I get the impression that sometimes Kevin and his family don't think I can handle caring for Heather or that I'm not doing a good job. I try to explain that this is what chronically ill looks like- yes, most of the days I am a little sick, which may mean that I need to take a nap- not that I'm lazy and although they say they understand, it's probably just me feeling like a loser. I fid myself being moody, which I am thinking is related to the diabetes and the fluctuations with my blood sugar plus the chronic prednisone. I'm really not a bitch, am I?
I talked to Kelli Collomb today finally. I'm trying to catch up on my calls - next up Courtney and Rebecca- new cell phone number? Are you away?
I've been shopping and then returning for more practical things- ahh- retail therapy. Carrie's surgery is scheduled for July 18th. I talked to her to get the date and wish her luck. She was going to come and help my mother with her yard sale but was MIA- she must not need anything this week, as someone anonymous pointed out to me- hmmm really- is it that way really?
Below I posted details about what pancreas transplantation should be like. Until later!