Baby Elise won't be at the wedding Saturday, but her parents Kristin and Dave will be!

I'm leaving for NY tomorrow for my brother's wedding and I got the YUCK! Serious yuck- like borderline pneumonia yuck. I couldn't volunteer today, couldn't go to class. I pretty much stayed in bed. I got the yuck from little Heather, who just loves to tag along with me wherever, to vote, to go to Walmart, to get my car inspected. Unfortunately, despite my antibacterial-microbioial wash I keep in the car, she also loves to give me the yuck. I drank some chicken broth, which came out the same way it went in. Puppa has been right beside me sensing my dismay and wondering how my red nose will look with my dress.

In general, it's just another quiet day at Camelot Self Storage. However, my mind is frantic planning and digesting everything from this week. I started back to school this week and it was like a fresh wind blew through my house. I felt alive and awakened- then overwhelmed. I'm doing my master's project this semester and while I expected it to meet every week, it turns out only to meet 5 times. This makes implementing my large scale organ donation awareness project much more realistic. I also was granted renewal on my financial aid, an area I am truly trying to resolve as much as possible. I'm hoping my financial management class will rub off on me there.

Scott and Audrey's wedding is next weekend so I have to hurry up and read and do my research for school, some beauty regimens like plucking the caterpillars above my eyes and a highlight for my dead hair, AND creating the presentation for my speech next week for the respiratory therapy society.

For my presentation, I am definitley looking for pictures of me. I ahve across some other general pictures via Google images. The problem with the ocitures that I have is that there aren't a lot of me during the period when I was sickest. I don't have any oxygen pictures or what not. I'm really going to check the archives to scan and make a slideshow. SO...IF YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF ME LOOKING BAD (not bad, but) SICKLY/BAD- PLEASE SEND ASAP!!!!
Much love,
me

I am POOPED! I was supposed to go see doctor kidney today but I have already gone to the city for appointments 4 days this week, so I asked her to switch it to another Friday that I would be coming in anyway. Getting this pancreas will be a thrill, but you really have to committed and not have any other life while you do it. I am trying to be a professional patient, professional student, and pseudo mom.

I opted to take 3 classes to finish up my class work. I still have a bit left from my class in June, which I am aiming to complete this Saturday at work. Just buckle down- Just buckle down. I keep telling myself. But I am going in a million directions.
I am doing my masters project this semester, focusing on what else Increasing awareness for organ donation. I have completed a lot of the parts of the whole so I am thinking that it will be exciting to get all my ideas off paper and into action. Part of my project is going to be my presentation next week for the Massachusetts Society of Respiratory Therapists. I was thinking of a slide show of pictures- SO IF YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF ME LOOKIGN SICKLY OR LOOKING REALLY HEALTHY<>

More updates later... Days of Our Lives is On and I must read about Financial Management of Nonprofits.

CRANK IT UP!!!! I just got a call from the transplant nurse at the Brigham and I am LISTED for a PANCREAS. I am technically status: inactive because I still have some more tests to complete my evaluation, but I am accruing time on the list which is important in deciding who gets what when. I found out that I am one of ONLY FOUR PEOPLE at the transplant center that are waiting. It could be as little as 6 months as many as 12.
Unfortunately, this means I can't travel internationally- so sadly no cruise for Kelbel's 30th. I haven't told Carrie yet, but I just rung up Kelbel to tell her. I am really excited but nervous too. I am trying to capture these feeling in wiriting so I know what t0 talk about during my speaking engagement on the 27th of September. I'm calling it "As I Live and Breathe" just like my blog. Help me with stories, PLEASE, that I can incorporate into my talk.

Please pray for me- this may be my third miracle (how many do you need to be a saint?) and I am trying to keep perspective of all the blessings in my life. Life is amazing. Please pray the person that is walking around right now, perfectly healthy not knowing that in a couple months that life as they will be over and passed on to me- that scares me a little bit but I know that God has a plan.

CARVER, Mass. -- Fire officials responded to a house explosion in Carver Wednesday morning.
NewsCenter 5's Jack Harper reported that the house at 17 Eda Ave. exploded at about 9:30 a.m. There were no reports of any injuries.
Two brothers rent the house, located near Edaville Railroad. They were not at home at the time of the blast.

"Everything was off this morning. We got up this morning and got dressed and went to work," said resident Robert Monahan.
Three hours later, a blast shook everything near Edaville Railroad.
"We were up in the main building up the street and we heard a vibration. We were not sure what it was. (We were) going around the building trying to find out what happened. It sounded like something hit the building," said Susan Wentworth, of Edaville Railroad.
Investigators said they are focusing their attention on a propane tank that feeds the residence.
"There is no underground propane in this area of town. Each individual home is fed by a cylinder that is unique to that dwelling, so there is a cylinder on the side of the structure, and we are focusing our investigation on that," said Carver Deputy Fire Chief Eric Germaine.
"Thank God my brother wasn't in the house watching TV," said resident Stephen Monahan.
"We lost everything, but at least I am alive," said Robert Monahan.
Carver investigators are working with state fire marshal's office to determine the exact cause of the blast.

For those that have called and asked, yes, these are Kevin's brothers. They are fine and are getting a lot of help from the Red Cross. All the furnishings belonged to Kevin- we lent them to the brothers after I moved in. They are staying in a local hotel and the Red Cross helped them with clothes, food and a new apartment (including deposits, etc) I think the brothers perspectives about living have given them pause- perhaps it will be lasting.

I'm sitting here at Camelot Self storage, waiting for the next hour to pass. I need a nap. I gave Kevin my cup o' noodles when he visited and now, I wish I had another one. I had some of the gnocc (bread with meat in it, an Italian delicacy) my mom brought down but, he ate the rest of that too. I watched Heather here at work while he priced a job and then he waited here to meet some of the prospects for one of his overnight seasonal jobs. He called the people yesterday and left messages, but still no one showed. He hung out here about 2 hours. He can't sit still though. One good thing: he fixed my blow fuse in my car. Since I got it inspected the radio and the clock haven't worked. 2 days without either was rough. It's amazing how something so mundane becomes part of your unconscious routine. My grandparents stopped by today too. They sold their place up here and expect to spend most of their year in Florida, opposed to splitting their time, north and south.
I've been trying to situate my schedule for school. I'm thinking about taking 2 ground courses at Northeastern and one on-line. But financial aid is up in the air and I don't want to get caught behind the 8 ball.
I am trying to get Kevin to work out Heather's schedule, even for next week, but he can't think that far ahead he says. As much as I want to help, I have picked up extra hours at self storage so that I can pay my tuition bills. I have been really working on tracking my expenses. In fact, while browsing Oprah's website, looking again to see if perhaps I might be a worthy guest, I came across the Debt Diet. I found that many of the worksheets will be helpful. My credit score dropped with the bills I inherited post-divorce and then by being out of work with the kidney failure. I am trying to keep my work less than the government level allows so that I don't lose my benefits. I don't think I could manage to work full time. Certainly not going to school and watching Heather, not to mention all of the pancreas testing.

Has anyone mastered the art of multitasking? Please send me some tips? Parenting tips too about how to get Heather to bed before say 10pm.

More later...

As you may remember from earlier posts, I was invited to speak at the annual conference of the Massachusetts Society for Respiratory Care in Sturbridge, MA on September 27th and 28th. My session is called " As I Live and Breathe: Life Lessons Learned Battling CF and Triumphing Through Transplantation." The contents will be similar to that of my "Get Carded" speech in 2000, as I returned to my "Homecoming" post-transplant. The difference this time will be that it will be more jargon laden and will have more applicability to the audience of medical professionals.

SO WHY I NEED YOU...
Dear Friends,
If there is something poignant about your experience with me, perhaps I lesson we both learned together the hard way, something you never knew before you encountered me, any funny story, or even a story that wasn't funny until now, please remind me and post a comment or email me. I need your help.
I want to make a dramatic impact- one that is remembered for its humor in the face of adversity. LET'S HOOK IT UP!

HAPPY SEPTEMBER!

The past week has been very busy with medical appointments. I have been at the hospital on the 22nd, the 25th and the 30th. I have had all kinds of radioactive tests, like 19 tubes of blood (which alone could make someone pass out), meetings with doctors and surgeons and social workers. It seems that I may be well on my way to pancreas city. My lungs are in good condition, even though I couldn't do pulmonary function tests given my big fat hernia. I am having surgery on that on October 3rd. My mom is concerned that with such a short time between my surgical repair and flying to Florida for Jessica's shower that I might end up with a blood clot. Right now it's up in the air.
I had my eyes dilated for an opthamology exam, again, part of the pancreas evaluation. They are looking for all of the possible diabetic complications that I might already have sustained. I have yet to see the neurologist, who will be doing the same thing.

Yesterday, Heather and I went with Mandy to Nelson Street Park for a picnic. Nelson Street is right on the ocean. Although it is beautiful, it has become over run with seagulls. They are quite aggressive, more than I expected anyway. We were eating and a seagull swooped down and stole Heather's pickle right off the plate. Mandy got brushed in the head by the bird! Jude and Anne then joined us for some swing time. Jude is adorable and has two teeth growing in. He definitely outweighs Heather by a good 7 pounds now. It was good for Heather to have a play date.

Scott's wedding is fast approaching and I bought a dress this week at Anne Taylor. I really like it, but I am thinking that perhaps someone else might have the same dress. However, I think this kind of thought crosses the mind of most women going to a big event at least once. No one I am convinced however, will have my patent leather peep toe pumps! Shoes are happiness, AREN'T THEY?

More later...

Welcome to the World, NATHAN CHARLES AGNEW!

Yesterday was the first of many appointments for the pancreas transplant. I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am, which meant getting up at 5am. I am not a morning person by any means! The first test was a cardiac PET, a nuclear test meant to view my heart. The tried three times to get an IV in so they could infuse a radioactive tracer and medication to put my heart in stress chemically. Finally, the test was over and I had 5 minutes to get to my endocrine appointment that was what felt like miles away. Of course, I had two heavy bags of paperwork and things to do in case I had spare time. That certainly slowed me down. While the doctor let me know that my diabetes could be more in control, she also stated that I was the poster child for a pancreas transplant. I then met with the social worker, who didn't really have many questions and was more reviewing notes from his last meeting with me, almost a year before my kidney transplant. He seemed mostly concerned with if I still lived with the cats, than my living situation now, which to me, seems more important given that this is where I will be recovering and that I'm living with a two year old and boyfriend. Hmmm... I was supposed to go to Northeastern and clear up my tuition issues (I'm still appealing charges from my kidney transplant but I am getting no where) but I was just too tired and given that my day was over at 1:30pm with nothing to eat, I decided brunch was more important. After all, I am going back on Friday.

On a very happy note, CONGRATUALTIONS to April and Rob Agnew who just had a baby boy! I wish them health, happiness,love and laughter, as I do wish for all my friends!

I visited Mandy and Ted at the Rushforth's the other night. Mandy will be here until Sept 5th.
Hey girls- is the chick lit book club still a go?

It has been very quiet here at mini storage this week. I did catch a turtle crossing the street today. There are also 10 geese that swim in one of the man-made water bodies that abutts the property. It's weird though, because of the way noise travels down here, it always seems like someone is right outside. The dog thinks so too. He barks at nothing then settles back into his chair in front of thewindow where he naps and suns himself all day. Not one person came in today. Kevin came in but he doesn't really count.

Tomorrow my goal is to finish my class work from ummm..., June. I guess I really should complete it before I start school again. I've been surfing the web considering employment (part time, maybe) in some colleges. I think that is the best environment for me and since I can't be a student forever, maybe I should pursue a career in the school environment. Who knows.

I have given up my search for my lost flash drive. I figure if I give up on it, it will mysteriously reappear. It has the only version of my CV on it. Luckily, I was smart enough to print a hard copy, but with each copy it loses integrity. Yuck!

Okay, more of nothing tomorrow!

You can expect that I will be posting more this week since I am working at the storage place all week. It rained today so there weren't many customers, though Nana and Papa came for a visit and some computer tutorials. My brother Chris just passed in a loader clearing out one of the empty units.

I visited Carrie yesterday in Weymouth. SHe has lost about 20 pounds from her surgery and it is noticeable in her face and upper body. She seems to be doing well with the pain, although she still can't look at the scar, which ended up just being a straight line alittle offcenter from midline. Her apartment is cute. I dressed her wound and made her bed, since she had trouble with it. Then we went to Walmart (I'm all for employing disabled people, but putting a retarded lady in a cashier position in the express lane is not good resource management and is setting her up for failure, where is a CRC when you need one?) and Stop and Shop for food.

I ran into my granfather this morning. He informed me that my Aunt was mad at him. He was relutant to tell me why- "I got in trouble with her." Apparently, my 78 year old Harley riding grandfather went on a date with a 46 year old lady/ "broad". I told him to keep her out of his wallet and not to change the will and everyone would be happy. I was afraid it may be Kevin's siter, apparently this chick is one of her friends that he met at the Dunkin Donuts hang out. I'm glad that he is socializing because for a while he was shut in and so lonely. I told him to be smart but to have fun. I know my grandmother wouldn't want him to spend his final days mourning her. I tell you though, Papa Joe is likely to outlive me!

I got my credit report to day and it stinks, but I found a few items that shouldn't be there. I also got a creditor letter for an account I never had in a variation of my name. I was almost going to throw it in my "oh well..." pile but it just seemed wrong. Sure enough, it is.I just read some bad creditor practices on MSN news which prompted me to look. I guess that shows the importance of staying on top of your information.

More later...

MEET MY DOCTORS: THIS IS DR. STEFAN TULIUS- He's the man that did the kidney and will do the pancreas.

THIS IS DR. KATHRYN TINCKAM- Love her! Also known as Dr. Kidney. I just knew she was the right doctor for me- sporting her Tiffany Beans. She has been seeing me at the kidney clinic and will follow me through the pancreas process.

I am shameful blogger. I thought for sure I had posted last week during my selfstorage stint but apparently I was swept up by HG TV. I have a bunch of days scheduled to cover people here next week - 45 hour work week, which is a lot for me! Needless to say, while the money isn't something I could live on, it does defray my costs as gasoline is $3.05 a gallon here.
Carrie is at her Aunt's house and reports that things are going well post-surgery. She is having the same issue I had with healing in reverse and needs her dressing packed. I told her I can help around my work schedule. I was going to have to work on Monday, but they didn't need me so I can help her.
My mom and Big D are going on their 20th anniversary/annual trip to Ogunquit, Maine. Kevin's sister is going away that week as well. Kevin hasn't looked for a babysitter yet. My dad gave him some business- first stripping and waxing the office floors in the main office- they haven't ever been done according to my memory and the building has been around for some twenty plus years. Then he is going to clean the office monthly. Business has been picking up, which makes him much less stressed.
The doctors started me on a new medication- Avelox. It seems that one of my old medications prescribed for the chronic wound/bone infection I have post-lung transplant is no longer.(The lung infection I had in my CF lungs seeded my bones when I was cracked in half and they were digging out the old puffers. It has stayed in my bones and I take meds to prevent the infection from taking over.) Yup, Tequin was pulled off the market because it causes irratic blood sugars- gee, that sounds familiar, my question is: why does it take 6 years to figure out that thsi is a problem. I mean, they pulled it off the market, forchissakes!
Apparently, though the Avelox is not quite perfect either. I broke into HIVES after two sips of wine. I have had all the typical digestive problems: nausea, the poops, etc, I have had a rapid heartbeat too. It makes me dizzy and drowsy, yet I can't sleep. It can also cause liver trouble so I have to have function tests and an EKG to be sure I have a baseline measure. I have a bunch of doc appointments coming up to get the pancreas evaluation going. I have to see a neurologist, an opthamologist, the endocrinologist, the gynecologist. i have to have an EKG, a cardiac PET, and some other radiologic studies. We are talking tons of bloodwork here on top of it! Oh well, i guess I really can't complain. I have been a more compliant diabetic but the idea of all these tests and recovery and relationship issues makes me anxious- not jump off the roof/slit your wrists anxious or depressed, just a constant buzzing, thinking about it.

So one may think that nothing exciting happens at the self-storage office- boy, would you be wrong: read below!

Cops find 2 more weapon stockpiles; Charges against Kingston man may be sought

By KAREN GOULARTThe Patriot Ledger

KINGSTON - A Kingston man who kept an arsenal of weapons in a Pembroke storage facility had stockpiled more guns, knives and ammunition at his home and in a rented storage unit in Kingston.

Kingston police detectives and Pembroke police yesterday searched a home at 14 Mountain Ash Drive, the last known address of 47-year-old Donald Govoni, as well as a storage unit he rented at Storage King on Marion Drive.
They were looking for more weapons and they found them.

Kingston and Pembroke police have said they plan to seek charges against Govoni for improper storage of firearms. They are also considering several counts of illegal possession of weapons, depending on whether Govoni has licenses for the guns.
Among the items seized yesterday were two semi-automatic handguns, two shotguns, an AR-15 assault rifle, three rifles, nine switchblade knives and 3,558 rounds of ammunition.

Kingston police Detective Sgt. Robert Wells said Govoni does not have a current firearms license and therefore is in violation of the law.
Mountain Ash Drive is located in Town and Country Mobile Estates, a quiet, well-kept community for people 55 and older.

Police said Govoni’s parents had lived in the home but both died several years ago. They believe it has been more than a year since Govoni occupied the house.
Govoni’s whereabouts are unclear.
Pembroke police began looking for Govoni on Friday after workers at Stor-It Mini Warehouses reported finding what appeared to be a bazooka in a storage unit.
Workers at the Pembroke warehouse stumbled across some of the arsenal while clearing out Govoni’s three storage units for failure to pay rent.
Police returned to Stor-It on Monday with a search warrant and found an array of weapons and ammunition, including a rocket launcher, two Uzi-like guns, silencers and a variety of gun parts.

Jim Dickey, a worker hired to help clean out the storage units, said Govoni showed up there last Thursday and asked the owner not to throw away his belongings.
Dickey said Govoni had rented space there for more than a decade and was known to spend hours locked inside the largest of the three rooms.

In addition to the weapons, workers said they found old periodicals, some belonging to the Duxbury Free Library, photos of assault rifles and notes complaining about his boss yelling at him for continually showing up late for work.

Boulter said an initial background check on Govoni turned up no criminal history. Gun purchase records showed some of the firearms found in Pembroke were purchased in 1983 when Govoni was properly licensed. His Massachusetts license lapsed in 1995.

Karen Goulart may be reached at kgoulart@ledger.com .
Copyright 2006 The Patriot LedgerTransmitted Thursday, August 10, 2006

Well, needless to say when I heard this first on the evening news I was intrigued, but it wasn't until later that I put two and two together. This wacked out fellow ALSO has a storage unit with US!!!!! Ohmygod!
So Thursday, I went down to get my check and tell Deb S., the manager, what I had heard. She called Dad and Anne (and wondered why did I wait until 5pm?) The guy is in arrears but what were we to do legally? The story continues to unfold, but it doesn't look like any guns are here. That's the big story here for the week!

Picture of Bad Sinuses Picture of what sinsuses should be...

Well, the past week has been draining, literally. The doctor went up my nose with a rubber hose and cut out all the polyps. A nasal polyp arises from chronic inflammation and lesions. They occur in the frequency from 6 to 48% of patients with Cystic Fibrosis and chronic sinusitis. They occur in the normal population 1 in 200 people. The polyps are like little fleshy grapes that block the airways- they are not usually cancerous. Basically, even though the CF is gone from my lungs, in which the cells were irregular and led to infection, these cells are still present in my sinuses, since you can't have a sinus transplant, yet, this is really the only place that CF will persist, given the pancreas transplant idea.

So now that the polyps are gone, all the infection that was festering behind, less what was sucked out, has been coming out on its own. The doctor described the infection as resembling peanut butter-pesto sauce. Yum! So I have been dealing with the pain and pressure of a sinus infection or really bad cold. I have had postnasal drip, which has kept me awake. Kevin too.

Carrie had her surgery last Thursday. I spoke with her twice and she is toleratig the pain. I wonder how her recovery will be effected because they could not perform the surgery laparoscopically and had to do it open. From my understanding of the procedure, that leaves you with a huge anchor-like scar from sternum to pelvis and then across. Abdominal surgery is truly the worst because you feel like you are going to explode open everytime you cough, or sneeze, or poop, for that matter.

I thought that maybe working today it would be busy since most people will be paying their bills in the next few days, but just some guy getting wardrobe boxes. I think I have more stamina to work more than one day a week and I have been looking at the classifieds to see about teaching at some local colleges. I have my resume updated and I'm thinking about putting some feelers out today with little else to do. I could clean, but not right now, my soaps will be soon!

Okay, if I don't get to posting again real soon- Happy Birthday to Rebecca (August 1), Bri (8/6/86), Tiggy 8/3- I think, Chris 8/11 Chris and Tiggy's Anniversary 8/6...

see you next time!

I am currently at the Brigham awaiting someone to take me downstairs to preop. What is great is that there's this room- the Family Liaison room equipped with computer and TVs and coffee- not that I can drink any- I am fasting for surgery. I guess my mom and Mandy are very familiar with this place, but this is actually part of the clink I don't know- believe it or not.
I had my jewelry party last night. A lot of people came (thanks) and I got $350 worth of free stuff. Of course, I got some other stuff too. Shelley Coville Beatty came, it seems that everytime I see her someone has died. She booked a party with the new catalog so she'll get a bonus too. My mom is booking in October. You'll find me at home, all blinged out with no where to go. Carrie stopped by before the party started and visited. Her surgery was rescheduled for Thursday so I'll wish her good luck for that. I have to book my airline flights for my Florida excursions and make my plans for Thanksgiving and the December cruise! I can't believe I am going on vacation. I am working some extra days at ministorage to try to save up, not a task I am so good.
Well, off to do some roto-rootering to the noggin. More later....

REALLY SPARE ME NOW...
I went for preoperative testing for my sinus surgery, which is scheduled for July 25th. I was just thankful that it wasn't conflicting with my Lia Sophia Jewelry party on the 24th, Monday. I had sent out invitations and have been cleaning feverishly. Brianna O'Toole is the consultant and this is one of her first parties, plus I want the hostess benefits. Sparkly stuff- woohoo!
Anyway, while I was there for my testing, I figured that I would kill several birds with one stone, or one drive to the city since the traffic has been hellish with the tunnels closed due the cement ceiling killing that poor lady. Carrie was having her surgery that day (see: anewdaytolive.blogspot.com for her take on things) and I need an ultrasound of my kidney since I have a poochy pouch in my left lower quadrant. Well, my scan revealed not a fluid pouch as I had hoped, but a HERNIA!!! Apparently, it begins with the musculature next to my kidney transplant incision. Not only that, but the muscle that should be appeared to pretty degraded, which I read as irreparable, yet not life threatening. I just will girdle myself up for important occasions requiring a poochless figure. As you can imagine, the physical scars tell the story of my medical past and one might think that I'd be used to it by now but I'm still self-conscious, admittedly. I have only spoken with the radiologist so we'll see what the kidney doctor has to say.
As I was leaving I ran into Carrie's family, going to see her in post-op. Her mother was talking herself saying "just be positive, just be positive," which is a good thing for her. I know that sometimes she can come across as critical and overly sensitive, especially in this situation related to Carrie's surgery. However, when I approached, her very rational Aunt explained that they were off to see Carrie, she went in for surgery however, it was not completed due to a complication and that Carrie still had no idea. The medical team had not revealed the issue to her. When we arrived Carrie was drugged yet was smiling, and I could see that she had no clue. Her mother approached her, grabbed the issue box and Carrie could tell there was something "not right" and even in her drugged state, she was in no space for drama. her mother explained that they didn't do the surgery, yet Carrie was in pain, because they had tried and made incision and had anesthesized her, so she had a sore throat post-intubation. Yet, it was even more painful for her to realize that she was so close and yet still so far away. The doctor had not seen her since and her family was doing the best to convey their understanding to her of the medical-ese. Carrie contained her emotions, which were probably blunted due to the fentanol- I say good. She would have a lot to process. I have been in similar situations and I have been thankful for Versed and Fentanol to ease the anxiety and wash the numbness through you, enabling you to be ready for anything. When I had my lung transplant, they told me that I could wake up and may not have had the procedure. The Brigham will not proceed if the risks are high or the conditions are not perfectly aligned with their end goal. That's what has kept me so confident in their services. I left Carrie and they were about to release her from day surgery. I have not spoken to her because I wanted her to have a couple days, plus I haven't the slightest idea where my cell phone is. My mom hates that, but that is an entirely different story.
I had a few moments before my preop so I ambled down Au Bon Pain to get a bite of lunch. AS I am getting my Splenda for my iced tea a guy somes up from behind and says hello. He then inquires how I have been feeling- "Ah good.," I reply. " Do you remember me?"he asks. I hate that type of query moree than anything first of all. I look at him hoping for some sort of hint. He has on scrubs and a OR cap. "Anesthesia?" I ask, but as soon as I said that I thought he resembled Doug's former paramedic partner. I was trying to put that whole era out fo my mind. After all, I don't look a thing like I did then, in my humble opinion. Anyway, it was him. To which I fumble, I thought you killed someone and went crazy- that's the story Doug told me at least. But he said that it wasn't the way Doug had said it- big surprise and that he was trying to forget that era as well. Um...OK. "Well, see you around," I said. If it wasn't as awkward I could have said and asked him a lot more but I didn't feel the need.

PANCREAS TRANSPLANT COMING MY WAY...
Well, it looks like the pancreas transplant is a go. I have been described as "an ideal candidate" and heck, what's one more person's DNA in my body. I do want to make sure that I don't need like a liver or something else ridiculous in a year before I sign the papers. Because I could have had a pancreas when I got the kidney, you know. Let's make sure we look at the big picture. I have been a bit absent from blogging, emailing and phone chat has been on the relapse, absent as well. Most of my days have consisted of watching Heather, napping, eating garbage and the solace of planting flowers.
I feel invisible with no school and this new mother role. My identity has shifted so greatly and dramatically in the past couple of months. I'm a little blue, really. I hate Sundays. That's when Heather's real mother is supposed to call, and she ususally doesn't, or when she does, it's for like 3 minutes and this poor two year old has no idea who is on the other end of the phone line. Kevin gets worked up looking at the clock tick by and finally he realizes she doesn't call. He says he isn't but I can tell, or maybe it's just my transference to him. I just look at this little girl and wonder how some mother's can be baby machines and then just drop these kids, without even a clue about what she looks like, whether she is healthy, what her favorite foodis, or how she likes to play. My stomach ends up in knots.
I feel like a loser because I get the impression that sometimes Kevin and his family don't think I can handle caring for Heather or that I'm not doing a good job. I try to explain that this is what chronically ill looks like- yes, most of the days I am a little sick, which may mean that I need to take a nap- not that I'm lazy and although they say they understand, it's probably just me feeling like a loser. I fid myself being moody, which I am thinking is related to the diabetes and the fluctuations with my blood sugar plus the chronic prednisone. I'm really not a bitch, am I?
I talked to Kelli Collomb today finally. I'm trying to catch up on my calls - next up Courtney and Rebecca- new cell phone number? Are you away?
I've been shopping and then returning for more practical things- ahh- retail therapy. Carrie's surgery is scheduled for July 18th. I talked to her to get the date and wish her luck. She was going to come and help my mother with her yard sale but was MIA- she must not need anything this week, as someone anonymous pointed out to me- hmmm really- is it that way really?
Below I posted details about what pancreas transplantation should be like. Until later!

How a Pancreas Transplant is Performed
The transplant recipient's own organs are left in place and the new organs are placed in the lower abdomen. Preferably, the pancreas goes to the right of the bladder and the kidney (when needed) to the left.
The pancreas can be procured in one of two ways: it can be procured from a deceased organ donor or half of a pancreas can be procured from a living organ donor. In the case of a deceased organ donor, the duodenum (a part of the small intestine) is also transplanted because the head of the pancreas is intimately attached to it. In the case of a living organ donor, the tail of the pancreas is the part that is used.
Once procured, the donated pancreas is prepared by the surgeons to be put into the transplant recipient. Both extremes of a deceased donor duodenum are closed and a new opening is made. The donated pancreas is then attached to three places in the transplant recipient:
1. The portal vein coming from the donated pancreas is sewn to the recipient's iliac vein.
2. The pancreas arteries are sewn to a graft of donor's iliac artery, which is then sewn to the recipient's iliac artery.
3. The duodenum's new opening is sewn into the recipient's bladder that will eventually receive the exocrine pancreas secretions (enzymes).
Alternatively, the donor duodenum can be sewn to the recipient's intestine. The first two attachments establish blood flow to the pancreas, allowing insulin release. The third attachment allows the exocrine enzyme (amylase) to be excreted into the urine. Low amylase excretion is a good marker of a pancreas graft rejection episode needing treatment, particularly in the absence of a same donor kidney graft (in which case an increase in blood creatinine is a good parameter). The drainage into the bladder may lead to some post-transplant complications, in which case the recipient is reoperated and the same pancreas graft is attached to the intestine.