Today is Monday and I have to say it is better than yesterday. My stomach is extremely sensitve and it was a bad, bad Sunday. I am in good spirits though. I am thinking about having a little bash to welcome in Spring a celebrate all things good- A Good Fortune party. It would be in April to recognize my 7th lung transplant anniversary and good health, good friends, and good beginnings... More info. to come about that.
I am happy to say that my friend Alison will be working at the Mulch factory and I will be picking up hours at the ministorage. It's all about the Balboni companies! It will be a small job while I am still in school and business picks up as the season begins. I am out of Dt. Mountain Dew so I better hit the store before I pass out with lack of caffeine!
catchyalater

Well, well...it seems I have more blog readers than I expected. I think blogs fulfill that journalistic curiosity- that bug on a wall- thing where you can tap into even the most mundane nuances of someone's life- and no one will be any the wiser. The only time people know you were there: posting a response.
I have chosen to leave a posting from a couple days a go- out of fairness and the prinicple of free speach. You can make up your mind on you own. After all, this is not about his life, it's about mine and what a good life it is.

That being said I got that damn fish hook out of my bladder and kidney yesterday. It took 5 minutes. However, my OR slot was bumped 3 hours. SO for 5 minutes worth of medical care I waited a full four hours. I don't mind though, someone's life was saved- I was bumped for a kidney transplant. And so the cirlce of life continues... I have a date next week in Belmont when I am volunteering at the New England Organ Bank- I think this will be rewarding work. Perhaps, my life's work. No more dealing with neurosis (other than my own - ha!) and selfish complaints. I will write and speak and CHANGE THE WORLD! you should too. until then, Jill

Welcome to the Blog Shay Pond Bridge, pictured above. She was so little and warm. Make sure you wash your hands before you hold her!I love you Courtney, you're going to be a great mom. (These pictures got the CB seal of approval for posting) GW are amazing anyway- we already know that! Babies, babies everywhere. Babies, babies with LOTS of hair. Shipman, there's a little monkiness coming your way for JDK!

Today marks three months since I got my kidney! Yippee! I didn't go into the city for my lung appointment today because they changed my appointment time. I have to go into Boston to the Brigham for a little day procedure and I think I will get my labs done then. Anne is going to take me. Until tomorrow...

Another birth announcement! Courtney gave birth to Shay Pond Bridge, a beautiful little girl on March 7 at nearly 1am. I am going to see baby, mommy and daddy GW tomorrow afternoon. Wednesday I see the lung people- it's been a while and I'm sure they'll be pleased with my kidney progress and lung stability. My aunt will be home tomorrow so I am planning on going to see her to find out what the work situation is going to be and to see if J has had anymore successful dates...As for me, I'm still waiting for Mr. Right. I've been informed that Doug is engaged to his whore and she is carrying his child, God bless her- I wonder what it's like to carry the spawn of the devil? Thankfully, I'll never know and that chapter of my life is nearly over. The divorce is finally final on 4/23 and I already reclaimed my name. I don't think I will ever dare to change it again.

Drum roll please...Help me welcome John Davis Kendrick to the world. There he is, posted above, son of my dear friend Shippy, better known to the world as Sara Shipman Kendrick and her hubby Brian in North Carolina. Davis is bound to be a Sox fan, given his dad's loyalty after living in Boston while I, ironically, moved South looking for the consumate geographical cure for a broken self-esteem, (note heart is not listed). Anywho, Davis came into the world with a full head of hair (what the HELL were you eating, Shipman?)! We are hoping that the family enjoys health, happiness, love and laughter...as always!

Stay posted...More babies and weddings to come before the year is through. I wish all my friends good drugs for a pain-free labor.

In other, much less fascinating news, I got new glasses today, very similar to the ones I've been wearing since I have been blind as a billy goat. I will post super Jilly pics as soon as they are ready! I need more ink cartridges so I am off to the 24hour Wal*mart this booming metropolis boasts! Who wants to watch the Oscars anyway.

Cheers.

First, let me wish my sister-in-law a Happy Birthday! (I did send a card I promise.) I have to make up for last year since I was in a coma, gee sorry. Well, this is year is much improved from the last, wouldn't you say.

The semester is over until next week so I am taking some time to get my stomach back in order- its been on the fritz for like two weeks after introducing new evil antibiotics into my system- DRAT! I am taking three classes during the next 6 week session. Then two classes the next and two in June and Viola! A masters degree a la Northeastern. Hopefully, my health will cooperate. I am going to head back to work, in all likelihood, when the weather improves (for the family biz if they'll have me:))

I would say that this was one of my best weeks yet. Classes ended and though exhausting- totally worth it. I just have to time myself with the whole bad habit of procrastination. I went out with the girls from class and had a blast . I met a cool guy... and tonight 'THE COUSINS" as we call them, Jennifer, J-Bird, Jenn's hubby Rob, Hooker and my grandfather went out to dinner. It's funny because I haven't been to the Fireside in say, five years and that's the same place I went on my date and J calls to say we had reservations. Hmmm... So my grandfather is excited because he gets his Harley back soon- he totaled it at Sturgis Bike Week (By the way, he'll be 78 at the end of month believe it or not!). I thought perhaps I might be able to ride with him this year (last year I couldn't even sit on it with my swollen body and weak limbs),but he put that idea right in the can, given the kidney and my aunt, who will probably get a bad case of arguda (italian anxiety, the worst kind) over it. Any how, here are some pictures of our fun and one that's been sitting in my camera of Baby Jude, my nephew. More later...

Below is a letter a received in my email. I have more blog readers than I thought. It was very courageous of Julie to write, despite what might seem like awkwardness, and I feel like I have passed the message on to another, and then she will keep it going. The legacy of organ donation keeps Bobby and Brett alive.

Hi Jill,
I don’t know if this is proper etiquette or not, but I’ve been wanting to write you for some time. My name is Julie Lunn and my brother Corbin played waterpolo at UCLA with Brett. I have been following your amazing story and wonderful progress since December. Again, I don’t know if its “proper” for me to even be writing this – Brett’s wife doesn’t know me, I was one of the hundreds she met only at Brett’s funeral services. The reference you made about Brett and your uncle being the men in your life and the sense of responsibility you feel to them to take care of yourself just really struck me. The tears just popped out upon reading that and haven’t stopped. So Im finally deciding to write. I hope that this is OK and not overstepping any boundaries.

My brother certainly had the utmost respect for Brett as a teammate, leader, and friend. Despite Brett’s tenacious and aggressive play in the water he was a gentle and “good guy” in every sense of the word. He had an amazingly gorgeous physique and a dazzling smile! My college roommate at UCLA back in the early nineties, happened randomly by chance, to be a friend of Brett’s older sister growing up so it was always fun to hear about stories of Brett as a young boy.

I know my entire family still thinks of Brett and his beloved family every day. I want you to know that I think of you as well, and hope that Brett’s kidney continues to live strong for you so that you can go on to pursue all that you hope for.

Again, I hope that I am not overstepping any boundaries by writing to you. I just wanted you to know that from 3,000 miles away, Im feeling incredibly grateful that sometimes the world is a very small place, where miracles do happen, even in the most trying of times. Take good care!

Sincerely,
Julie Lunn

I am living life to the fullest these days, depite some bumps (right, Tambini). I am dating, going to school, looking forward to a vacation (Belfatto's 30th Bday cruise), graduation (again) and who knows what else. For now, though I am looking forward to sleep. Oh yeah- HAPPY MARCH...it is afterall 3:50am as I write this.
More later.

Let's see...I had an appointment with Dr. Kidney on Friday. I have been officially warned to CUT THE CARBS! I figured I would be in trouble when I tested my blood sugar just before I had the full panel of labs drawn and it came up with 538(!) as a result. I took some quick insulin, which brought it to 438: the result the doctor received. Then the lab paged her EMERGENCY three times- get the picture? So she told me to reduce the carbs significantly for lent, despite my argument that I am not exactly a practicing Catholic, she protested that it doesn't matter, give the shit up. So Wednesday begins my rice concentrated diet. I disputed that I have to eat something that is easily digestible. You see, with the CF, I have a huge problem with Fat and the heaviness of Protein. Carbs, my friend, work for me. SO if anyone has a CF- Diabetic friendly meal, please do post a comment. I think I would rather have high blood sugar and take more insulin over diarrhea any day of the week, yeah?
Enough of that... School is wrapping up for the semester, and I have a project and a presentation and a final- oh my! I can handle it- I just have to get my priorities straight and my ass is gear. I have also joined the gym so it will be in gear for the Spring. I am hoping to adopt healthy habits in general. I mean, I live a pretty clean life, but there is always room for improvement. I think I owe that to the men in my life: Bobby and Brett. In fact, in a little over a month, I will be celebrating 7 years with Uncle Bob's lungs. April is also Organ and Tissue Donation Awareness Month and I have a grassroots style project in mind - so you will be hearing from me.

I was happy to see my friend Rebecca T. after my appointment on Friday. She's my smart friend, preparing her dissertation- you rock!

By the way- Glamour is having its 4th annual real life story contest- this year I WILL ENTER! The winner gets published and $5000. A little pocket change, eh?

I am at Northeastern waiting for class to begin. It's raining and lousy and I have a lot of work to do. I am trying not to think of it. Some good news though, my mom has been released from the hospital. She had C. Diff. Colitis and was bummin' pretty bad- literally. It was so bad that she almost had a preforrated bowel. I wasn't really supposed to visit her according to my doctors. Then to make matters worse- I started having symptoms after they started me on Bactrim for thsi ever present UTI, which is likely a result of the stent still in place in my bladder from the transplant. We are both on the mend however, so we'll have to see how it goes. This is the last week of class (one more) then I have a week off before the big push- three clasees a week. I have also spoken with my grandfather about doing some work with the family business- a start to get me involved in the work. oK- CLASS IS STARTING.

AFTER WRITING 3 papers in the past two days, honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was blog. However, I got a Valentine from Rebecca H. who said she missed my blog so I figured I's write a short entry. I am doing OK- I have been malabsorbing no matter what I eat, which has been more frustrating than dangerous to my health. I now take 8 enzymes when I eat, no matter what the fat content is. I am supposed to be counting carbs so they can come up with a carb to insulin ratio, but it seems that all I eat is carbs and I fear I will be chastized by the endocrinolgy folks.

On a good note, I got a nice email from a woman named Sally Kennedy. She sends out weekly emails that are reflective and often have Bible quotes for the week. One that was listed really struck me.
As you can imagine I think a lot, in times of darkness and times of dawn about why I have experienced all that I have. Not like a "poor me" type of reflection, just a base wondering and questioning.
He is the quote: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11.
Ahhh...finally, something that makes sense. In times that feel like I was put here to suffer endlessly I know and have faith that this is not the case. I have a sign in my room that says Hope and there is nothing I have wanted more than a future in the face of adversity. Maybe now I can allow myself to dream again, not just of a functioning pancreas but of graduating, and going back to school again and again- sicne this is my joy. I can dream that there is someone out there for me. I can be less cynical and more positive, which is my true nature. I can smile more. I will eat less salami now that I know I have plenty of time to enjoy it. It is time to celebrate each day again and relax- most of relax and take things one day at a time.

I CAN'T BELIEVE how long its been since I have actually taken the time to sit and blog. I am taking two classes at Northeastern this semester, which is not really a semester- the classes are only 6 weeks long, 4 hours a night, 2 nights a week (as I am taking two classes). The commute to Boston isn't bad and I pretty used to it having to go to the doctor so much with the transplant. By the way, Wednesday marked two months with my new kidney. ANYWAY, class has been intense with chapters of reading, research projects and group work, yet I am learning a lot and I feel contributing a lot as well. I have found the convenient parking best to get to my classes because believe me, it sure is blustery walking around campus in the winter, granted it has been mild.
It si supposed to be a blizzrd this weekend, which may be okay since I have a ton of reading to do before Wednesday.
In other news, I have two friends about to pop out babies Shippy (seen above, check out Riley the WonderDog and his curiosity of his mama's belly) and Courtney. I wish them both the best with their bundles of joy soon to join our world.

I haven't really blogged this week - but I AM OK! I have been busy doing my reading for school and going to school and sleeping from being tired at school. So I will be sure to write more soon. Thanks for all the email expressing your concern,

HERE IS the second edition of "As I Live and Breathe", my speech from a 2/2000 event at UCF promoting organ and tissue donation awareness called "Get Carded."

My first two years at UCF were extraordinary and provided me with a comfortable denial of my disease. I was barely sick, I was living a normal life. I was living on my own, participating in Greek life, student government, student activities, and oritentation. My crowning achievement was was that I was honored as UCF Homecoming Queen 1997. If it could be done at UCF- I did it. I was working, going to school, and volunteering full-time on top of all the doctor's appointments and treatments. Yes, I was famous for burning hte candle at both ends but I was achieving my goals. I felt on top of the world.

The summer after my sophomore year I went home for a short break. It was then that the rug was pulled out from under me. My lung functioning had rapidly diminshed. In an eye blink, I was functioning at less than 30% of what they were supposed to be. I had lost a considerable amount of weight even though I had a feeding tube placed in my stomach. I finally began to accept that I was having trouble climbing stairs and walking to the car. I couldn't even SHOP without stopping for rest. I saw a stranger in the mirror. A pale, gaunt shadow of the physical shape I used to be. I felt my characteristic buoyancy and resilience begin to fade. I was in pain physically and emotionally from the constant coughing, sleepless nights and the unknown.

Tune in tomorrow for another edition and the events of the day. I am off to eat some Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter reminiscent of my friend Mandy.

I GUESS you could say that I have been a bit reflective today. I was putting aside my kidney notebook in my bookcase and I came across my scrapbook from my lung transplant successes. Among them was the copy from the speech I gave at "Get Carded" a UCF sponsored activity to promote organ and tissue donation awareness. I thought I would share it with you...

It's funny...I've been giving this speech in my head for weeks, but the actual delivery to YOU is completely different than anything that I've imagined. While I've told this story many times in the last ten months, never have I been so honest and candid, or explored it so deeply. I thought we could make the emotional journey together.

There is a strange string of irony that ties my story together.A sense of irony that I am here at UCF, because this is where my story began. I can not thank you enough for helping me honor the gift I've received and to share it with you.

I don't quite know how I ended up at UCF, probably not what the Admissions office would want to hear, but nonetheless true. I never questioned the road I was on but knew I was headed in the right direction. UCF...practically unheard of in Plymouth, MA, my home some 1500 miles away yet somehow it was so right. It was almost an afterthought that it was U-CF because CF to me was alawys known as Cystic Fibrosis. CF in my case was a genetic, chronic lung disease I've grappled with all my life. CF manifests itself through stichy secretions that clog airways and host virulent infections that eventually scar and destroy the lungs.

For many years CF was both friend and foe. I was torn between two worlds. On the one hand complying with stark, starched hospital realities of taking huge doses of medication, dealing with primitive "pounding" therapies, and being out of school, away from my family and friends for weeks of a time. On the other hand was the romance of rebellion. I could die young and pretty, a sad portrait of lost potential. I won't lie to you. FOr a long time I waivered between the extremes and no matter how much I prayed or bargained, the disease got worse.

From the comfortable vantage point of retrospection, now I would say that I came here (UCF) to make something of myself. I knew that if I could make a difference with JUST ONE person, that I would've made my mark on the world, but I also knew that to achievethis I would have to be responsible for my survival.

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT EDITION OF "AS I LIVE AND BREATHE"

WELL, I HAVE GOOD NEWS and so not-so good news, First, the kidney is amazing my creatinine was 0.9, again amazing, there are no signs infection in or around my wound and it seems that I simply heal slowly. I can go down to once a day for the visiting nurses so that gives me more freedom. I can also go to every other week for clinic appointments- this is a big milestone.

Now the not-so news, it seems that given all my transplant um, experience, shall we say, that they, the kidney chicks pictured above, along with the group of surgeons, have suggested that I be evaluated for a pancreas transplant. The Brigham has just been approved as a pancreas transplant site. Jeez, couldn't they have given me a two for one with the kidney? Apparently not. My surgeon that did the kidney transplant would do the other transplant, but it is another surgery. It seems though, that I would be a good candidate. The CF cells that have caused such digestive distress the past year (that is the final verdict of a cause) would be erradicated and the diabetes- adios! So clearly, it would be good to banish these two bandits. Most of the complications are related to medication, which I have already been on it for nearly 7 years (that's right April 10th I celebrate the 7th anniversary of my lung transplant). I am not afraid of surgery but how much is too much and am I tempting fate by getting another transplant. I have a lot to research and even more to think about. I am starting to think that I should be doing writing and speaking about transplants and organ donation. It seems to be my calling. I'll keep you updated...

DID YOU KNOW that Brigham and Womens Hospital conducted the first organ transplant in the world? Did you know that kidney transplants (in general) originated at the Brigham? I guess that I am in good hands. I have a clinic appointment tomorrow and I am hoping that with my digital camera I will be able to capture my caregivers so that I might post them. They have been such a huge part of the process and I look forward to seeing them, which makes appointments more tolerable.
For some reason, I am starving.

Just a minor complication, my wound is not healing, or let's keep it positive: it is healing very slowly. Very slowly.

I am drafting my response to my donor's wife, who emailed me kind, heartfelt words earlier this week. I don't want to keep her waiting too long.

My friend Jenn has made it back to Spain, despite her colon upset. I completely understand her perdicament and couldn't imagine flying all the way to Spain with such upset.

More tomorrow after my appointment...

SUnday night we ate at the 99 restaurant. My friend Kelli Collomb sent me this pink sweatsuit. I have yet to send her a thank you note- SHAMEFUL KIDNEY BEAN! I will be taking the time this week to catch up on my mail and all the terrific letters I have received. They have truly kept me going. Not much going on this week. I still have a visiting nurse come to my house twice a day to pack my open wound with gauze. I heal funny and the prednisone and diabetes don't help. So where they stuffed the kidney in me is still open...my kidney is not like bursting at the seams or anything. I am always a little leary about that since in 2001 my guts came out from my last abdominal surgery. They were my favorite color. You guessed it:pink. My doctor said there was no chance that my kid would pop out- phew! more later...

These were taken Saturday night, during Kelbel's visit. We were at the BBC in Cedarville watching the Patriots LOSE!

Hello. I guess that it works out to be every four days that I remember and actually make time to blog. Since I last wrote I have been busy adjusting to a normal life. Still haven't quite gotten to writing my thank you notes, finishing my mom's Christmas gift of a scrapbook or writing my update for Kara (it's coming, I promise).
On Friday, I had my typical kidney clinic and I got an increasingly clean bill of health. I was warned, though, not to eat a pound of salami in one sitting. I'll admit, after not being able to eat it while on dialysis because of the swelling effects on my body, now being able to process salt- I have been indulgent. I am allowed to have two salty items per week- max. If next Friday is the same, than I can switch to every other week. It was Friday the thirteenth and I was worried that something bad was going to happen. Thankfully, I was wrong. Then I went to Jenn Cross' dad's wake at Cartmell's, home of the amazing mints, of which I stole a pocketful- in typical fashion. I went with Alison and met Shelley, her sister. I saw my aunt Suzy and uncle Tommy there, as well as Alison Longden. Jenn seems relieved and looks at peace. I couldn't get over how old and mature her brothers look. I was very worried about what place her mother would have since they were divorced and he was in another relationship, but I was glad that she was there, she belonged there. Jenn and I hopefully will connect before she heads back to Espana to reclaim her life. I wish the conditions were better but, I am so happy that she is doing so well besides the circumstances.
It was great to see so many people. Most of my recovery has been solitary and I haven't felt up to reconnecting. I got a lot of compliments on how healthy I look and I was happy to report how well I was doing. It gave me a great boost in confidence and makes all the pain and effort worthwhile.
Kelli Belfatto is here this weekend (see pictures). We went to watch the Patriots game at the BBC this weekend. (It was 50 degrees Saturday and 15 degrees today by the way.) I am glad that I am actually able to do things- better than the last time Kelbel visited and I was in the ICU. During the day we went out for coffee and toured the shops at 5 and Kohl's. It's great to find stores that you don't have at home- Kelbel agreed. This morning we went to the Water Street cafe for breakfast. I actually got up both days before noon and made time for a little nappypoo in the afternoon.
With all this new energy I have signed up for two classes at Northeastern: Fundamentals of Fundraising and Managing Organizational Culture. I have been approved for financial aid and hopefully, it will cover the tuition for the rest of the program. I think I will be able to graduate with an MS in Leadership of Nonprofit Organizations by 2007. It is great that Northeastern has classes about every 6 weeks. It is a pace I enjoy. Hoping there are more guys in the class next quarter.

It's been a little over a month since I got my kidney and the adjustment is going well. I am doing more and more. Like today, I took my car Ava the Avalon to the MALL! Yeah- that's right the mall. You know things are looking up when I can make it to the mall on my own. My next exploit is tomorrow. I plan to drive into Boston (45miles give or take for those unfamiliar) for an appointment at the lung transplant clinic. The lungs, not to be neglected, are fabulous so I will be showing off a bit and plan to wear something with sparkles. I wasn't quite this spunky all day. I do seem to be more alive at night. Probably because I slept all day. I planned to go to lunch with Courtney, but as I normally do, had to cancel because of severe stomach distress and pain. Oh the pain. I try to ignore it although my doc says not to be a martyr. I get this from Saced Heart when I would go to the nurse in elementary school and even though I was feverish and coughing up a lung I would be told to "struggle through"- TRAUMA FLASHBACK. okay, back to the present. My stomach problems have subsided substantially since I added more enzymes, but I still have flare ups. Today was one such day. The last thing I wanted to do was leave my house even though I longed to see my very pregnant lifelong friend. Court, I'll make it up to you I promise.
I also have a poop load of thank you notes and correspondence to catch up on. I am very thankful and blessed to have so many people love me, please be patient. I'm sure you understand and there is really no reason to beat myself up over it. But if you would like to publicly chastise me- please post.
I didn't make any resolutions this new year, but I think I have finally committed myself after 6.5 years to write my memoirs. I am putting out a request for quips, stories, memories, that you have of me, especially those related to me bouncing back in some way. I think this will be the theme of my writing. It is an opportunity for you to be included for all times. Until next time...

Most of my readers will recognize the discomfort I have with my very swollen feet. The dialysis kept it off only part of the time but I had to limit my fluid intake severely. No that I have a new happy kidney, the water comes off on its own. SO to pay homage to my feet- I have photographed them for prosperity. Viola!

I wanted to post a picture of my dear friend Jenn Cross. She joined me as I began my recovery from my wound infections on New Year's with a round of...whatelse, Scrabble. SHe has been home since October from her beloved Spain and boyfriend Marcus to tend to her Dad, who is fighting, I mean fighting, a debilitating cancer. It has ravaged his body, but not his spirit and his dutiful daughter Jenn , who celebrates the value of family, was here every minute to tend to his needs. SHe has been strong with him, st every turn, so tonight I pray for my little Jenny, the girl behind me in line for First Communion so many years ago, and for her dad.

HOW HAPPY ARE YOUR KIDNEYS?
Today, Friday, I had a clinic appointment. There was some concern because my iron was low as were the measures of my red blood cells. That stinks and could indicate the need for a transfusion. SO when I went to BWH this day I brought a bag and my computer with me, just in case they decided to keep me. I guess I was mentally prepared. However, things were better tahn I expected which is always a pleasant surprise. My kidney is working great: 0.9 on my normal creatinine range of 0.5 to 1.4. I also got weighed at the clinic- I almost fell over (luckily the scale has side rails) when it read 117. I haven't been this weight since before my lungs. The swollenness has subsided and I have ankles again. The only swelling I have is what is left around the healing suture and that will become less distended with time and as the transplanted kidney normalizes to my body. I have been trying to ween myself off the pain junk, even though it still feels like someone punched me in the gut. Just like my doc promised, I think by the three month mark I will be ready to go. She has already cut my visits back. That makes me happy...if anyone would like to invent a happy kidney song- please post it in the comments section.

Happy New Year 2006! I was about to update my blog on the 29th when I ended up going to the hospital to have the stitches from my fistula removed. I stopped into the kidney transplant office because my wound looked sad, beyond my sun tattoo looking like it had a stroke in the process of the transplant, I heal very funny and I was afraid it would eviscerate and open like my last abdominal surgery. However, I had two holes that were not healing and needed to be packed with gauze rather than restitched. I heal in reverse: instead of inside out, I heal outside in, leaving a gap inside that is a welcome spot for infection. They admitted me to have me have a CT scan and needle aspiration since part of my wound was painful (infection?) and seemingly fluid filled. Even my girly parts were swollen. It seems that gravity leads the way when it comes to fluid and when you drain, it goes to the lowest spot. It hurt to sit or lay on my side and just about everything else, I couldn't get comfortable. They were able to adjust this as I was inpatient. Carrie and Anne took care of things, as my mom is in Florida. One terrible situation was that while I was having problems, so was Detroit. He was throwing up with terrible diahrrea, a flare up of his Inflamatory Bowel Disease, likely from too much people food from the holidays. Carrie took charge thankfully, good thing because Anne is allergic to little dogs. I got discharged on New Years eve and slept most of the rest of the weekend. Detroit's bill was $400 and then my medicine was refused coverage because of this new Medicare part d thing , Carrie had to cover me for that too, so I hate owing people money. I'll have to budget for this month.

WOW- I hadn't realized it had been so long since I posted. It was a great Christmas and although my pain is still making me grumpy, I got plenty of rest and things seem to be improving. I spent the holiday at my mom's and I didn't have my computer, then I lost my cell phone so...I didn't get a chance to call or write to friends and wish them a happy holiday. I'll be catching up and writing an update since many of my emails from friends are requesting an update. The only thing to really report is that I have to go to Boston twice a week during the immediate post-surgery time. All my tests indicate that the kidney is doind well. I still have some swelling over the kidney, you can actually see the outline of it under my skin. Of course I am one to panic but I guess rejection is not a big deal with the kidney- they just give you a boatload of steriods. My labwork indicated that I might be dehydrated, but it could also be something else. My creatinine, a measure of how well the kidney was doing, was creeping up, however, my level this week was awesome .8 on a scale ranging from .5 to 1.4. I don't want to tell you what it used to be (over 6) when I was in need of dialysis. Apparently, if they have questions about your kidney, they do a biopsy. Hmmm... Doesn't look like we'll have to cross that bridge right now. I'll write more later. Happy New Year.

I HAVE BEEN A BAD BLOGGER THIS PAST WEEK. AS you can imagine, it has been a week of major adjustments and since I am home now (yippee!) I am retrying to reclaim my space. This is easier said than done. It takes great effort to get out of and into my bed. I am swollen from all the fluid they pumped into me and my pain meds weren't strong enough. It seems now though that I am on the right track and I am so thrilled. I am reassured that the water weight will come off, I have gone from 146 to 128 in a week, but I can still feel it in my joints and I have trouble climbing stairs and walking any kind of distance. I finding ways to keep myself comfortable and my mom got me snowman flannel sheets for a special homecoming. I will have to go to 2 or 3 medical appointments in the next threee months. They keep a close eye on you top make sure that everything is going properly. When I got back from the hospital, my car had a flat tire. It's not too bad now since I am not driving and tend to be a bit housebound. I thank everyone for their prayers- what power! What a Christmas present! More later...

I would never recommend having 2 surgeries in one week, nevermind 3. I was trying to wrap up my 2005 medical needs, so I consented to having a gyn procedure to fix up those damn abnormal cells I get and then consented/resented getting a fistula put in for dialysis access. I was exhausted and just wanted everything over with. I came out of the fistula procedure and waited for my mother to deliver my first meal of the day- a bagel. But for some reason, it was taking her a really long time. It turns out that when the nurse called the day surgery family waiting center, my mom had been called to the renal dialysis center to talk to one of the doctors- now? I thought- I just wanted to go home, with my bagel. Little did I know what was unfolding.
While I was getting my fistula, on the opposite coast of the US, Ted Fates, my dearest friend Mandy's husband, received a strange blanket email from a colleague stating that one of his friends was on life support and a willing organ candidate looking for a recipient of A+ bloodtype already listed with UNOS. Ted sprung into action, calling Mandy and Mrs Rushforth who set the ball in motion with the details and making the calls, not sure what the email was all about, but not about to let an opportunity slip by. My mom got the call from Jan in the day surgery unit and went upstairs to see if it was possible. The two hospitals conversed and the plan was set in motion. The renal doc looked me over and stated that I was probably in the best shape for surgery now. She would admit me, give me a brief dialysis treatment and work me up while we confirmed independently the typing of the candidates sample. A lot was still up in the air and I wasn't sure if this was the right time...was I ready? I couldn't turn this down, too much of God's plan for me was unfolding. Pretty much everything was a go. We waited for the paperwork to be completed and for the organs to be harvested as we learned more about this kind man's life and the events that brought us to this point. His wife had a blog, on this site, that detailed their tragedy: brettstern.blogspot.com... It was a six hour flight for the kidney from California and Mandy was on her way as well. No way she would miss this one. At 9:17 on Thursday Dec 8th, the first incisions were made. The kidney went right to work, it was big and beautiful and healthy. Everyone was happy with the results. I have ballooned up, per usual from the steriods, which I am told and know from experience, is normal and that as I accept the kidney and adjust, the water will come off. My emotions will stabilize and I will begin again.
I have had many visitors and well wishers and once again I feel that life is one set of miracles after another. Even though my emtions have run the gammet I know that I will choose to honor the legacy that this man has granted upon me. My outlook has brightened. I immediately called dialysis and told them to take me off the schedule- they were shocked. Figures though doesn't it- right after I get the fistula- I get the kidney. No complaints. I miss the puppa dog and my house, but I have been reassured that I will be home tomorrow or the next day (!)
My progress has been wonderful and I got my tubes and junk out today. I just have some staples holding me in place. I took some pictures, but since I am writing from the clink, I'm not sure they will upload. Stay tuned...

God works in mysterious ways my friends. I will blog in full detail tomorrow, but for those who have not heard- I have received a lifesaving kidney and I am feeling wonderful. I am saddened by the donor families tremendous loss, who also has a blog page on this site, ironically. But as my friends and family know, I will honor hsi legacyh to the fullest. Health, happiness, love and laughter...Jill

Not much to write today. I am exhausted from Ct scans in the middle of the night, a horrible dialysis, awful medicine and a very restrictive diet. I haven't deen many doctors really, but apparently they may let me go home tomorrow. Of course, I would still have to come back up Monday and Tuesday for the procedures I have scheduled. I think I will take a nap. The worst day in the hospital is always the first. I would however like to feel better before I go home to that nightmare.

Okay, so I try to pull up one picture and five pop up- nonetheless enjoy the picture of me and Courtney at her baby shower this Saturday. She is due with a girl in early March and she really seems to have already embraced the role of motherhood. Congratulations Court and GW!

I have been lapse in my blogging for several reasons- mostly because I haven't felt well. What began as a simple ear infection landed me in the Jordan Hospital ER. They had to give me two shots of morphine to ease the immense pain, and I'm no baby. Then I had drops to ease the inflammation. Both did very little. The little bastard tehn moved down into my sinuses and alas, settled in my lungs. Coughing makes me very anxious, given my past and finally I decided that a trip into the old clink would be necessary. I have the surgeries finally scheduled for next week so maybe I'll be in good shape and can still get them done. I always have pneumonia this time of year- I don't know what made me think that this year would be any different. My colon has quieted down- I am happy to report and I'm sure you are happy to read, BUT they are starting me with antibiotics for this lung infection so the chances are great that my colon issues will return with a vengence.

Scott, Audrey, Kristen, Todd and Carrie joined us for Thanksgiving. I wasn't much of a joy though. My head felt like I was in a fish bowl and I could only hear garble and bits of side conversation. It sucked. I also visited my dad's house and snapped some updated photos of baby Jude. I also went to Deb's to check in on them. My grandfather has a new, less restricitve cast and he seemed to be in good spirits. The biggest joy I had was popping some NyQuil, a klonopin, and hitting the hay. Only recently were my nights interrupted by mucus and coughing fits.

Carrie has been very busy with teaching and work. I think that she may be getting sick of living with me, which I can understand since I have little to share about my stay at home- got to dialysis life. She is looking to meet friends and expand her social circle, especially for New Year's, I, on the otherhand, can not commit to anything long term. I was hoping the holidays would perk me up and not be stressful. Maybe the hospital visit will be the vacation that I need.

There hasn't been much to report about in the past couple of days, but to honor my lovely, loyal reader Shippy, AKA the Southern Monkey, I will update. I finally made it to the Brigham to get my venous mapping completed. It looks like it will have to be in my right arm as they suspected before because my left arm is overused and scarred from the years of multiple needle sticks and IVs. (I recall one time when I was young and at the Floating when Courtney came to visit and they had to stick me 23 times before they succeeded.) ANYWHo...no I wait for the call to see when the surgery will be planned. I go back to the clink on Friday to see the tummy doc. Of course, not that i'm complaining, but this week has been a good week for the colon. On the otherhand I have a head cold and have been in a zombie-like state for the past 30+ hours. I really need a shower, but my head is clogged so I can't smell myself- it can't be that bad. I hadn't really seen my grandfather because I was in bad shape last week, but I stopped to see him and he is doing great- he even got out and about (see photo above- yes, he is giving the finger, whihc is a good sign he's back to normal.) He would never touch a computer, especially after the dateline special on internet predators, but he is my special person for today. I keep plugging away at this life because I know he is too. I have had conversations with him that I would have never expected.
In other news, the Kitty Kat Klub president from the old TriDelta days, Dr. Allison Kanter Agliata, had a baby girl, Lia Brooke on November 8th, many well wishes to her and her family- way to go DAN and his mighty seed! I haven't had the opportunity to see baby Jude again because I don't want to go over there all germy and I know they are settling into a routine. Happily, I managed to keep myself out of the hospital for the time being- the holidays are usually tough and I usually get pneumonia so I'm doing everything I can to stay well as long as I can. I may do a lot of my holiday shopping online to avoid the germfest that is the mall. I anticipate a lot of christmas cards this year to thank and reach 0ut to all those that supported my supper club. Since I am disabled and broke, I plan on creating some gifts this year- so if your sucks- know that its at least from the heart.
My prayers go out to Jenn Cross still, besides her dad struggling with cancer, her mom was recently in the hospital with diverticulitis.
until next time...

Today I was supposed to go to the Clink for a venous mapping appointment. This is an ultrasound diagnostic procedure in which my arm veins are measured and "mapped" to look for the best connection between my veins and artery to create a fistula, or access for dialysis. I have a catheter in my clavicle now but they are prone to infection (i.e., sepsis that nearly killed me in March). Since I have no immune system, the doctors are surprised I have done so well. I say iwas supposed to go because I didn't make it. I got up, showered, set my coffee pot, got dressed and was about out the door when BAM! colon blow! I was in the bathroom so long that there was no way I was going to make it in town and rushing would just cause me more distress. I called and explained, but now I have to wait for the next appointment. I guess maybe I am a bit of a mental case, just thinking about going up there causes anxiety. What in particular I am anxious about- I'm not sure. maybe about being admitted. Maybe that I'll get news I don't want to hear. Maybe that I'll have to experience something painful or embarassing, though that is nothing new. I didn't sleep the night before, and I am not taking any Ativan or other sleep aids. Lack of sleep is making moody. I went to my old shift of dialysis, which literally is like night and day. I like the night shift much better. So I am going switch to the new center or to the other shift. It turns out that a nice woman Nancy was given too much heparin, took a fall when she got home and nearly bled to death. This is the third incident that I know of that has occured at this center, including myself this spring. It was a year on the 4th that I have been doing dialysis and I am still looking for an acceptable and willing donor. I have to check into the situation for my friend Jenn who wants to be tested. My mom is losing weight and not drinking to see if her blood pressure goes down. She is doing awesome and I want her to be healthy even if she isn't eligible to give me an organ. I am very proud of her efforts. I don't know if I could be a mother, well I know I can't physically, but to be that sacrificial.

Detroit got a bath today too- he wasn't very happy. He keeps licking his paws. I looked and there is no burr or sore spot. Does anyone have any advice of how I can make the puppa stop suffering? Please post.

For the past couple of days, I have spending time with my grandfather as he is recuperating from his patella tendon repair. He is expected to be in an ankle to hip cast for 6-8 weeks. I expected him to be less mobile, but he has been up and walking to the bathroom, out to check the mail, around setting lights, etc. My aunt Deb arranged home health aides until Wednesday but he really doesn't need much help. The concern is more about him falling getting out of bed at night. He has plenty of friends that come and visit during the day so he is never alone long then. I usually funtion best in the afternoon so I have been going over about 4pm and I stay until 9:30 10pm, as long as I know Detroit can hold his bladder with no accidents. I know it stinks for Papa to be sick, but I have really enjoyed spending time with him. It stinks that something bad has to happen for me to realize it. I think I got my fighting spirit from him. He has beaten cancer twice. He had a motor home fall on him while changing a tire. He totalled his motor cycle in Sturgis. The one battle he couldn't win was my grandmother's brain tumor. She was a fighter too, she had girly cancer and had a hysterectomy, she had a heart attack and kept fighting, but the tumor got the best of her and she lost her ability to speak and complete thoughts. Seeing my grandmother struggle and to lose her, took away his faith. I think he is angry with God, I have been angry too, in my life, but I have also reconciled that God's will will be done and his purpose is not known- you ahve to accept that. I just finished 90 minutes in Heaven, a memior about a man who got in a terrible car accident and was dead and then came back to life to find new challenges, including pain and depression, and a reason to live. He poses a lot of questions I have had myself as someone trying the best they can just to simply exist, simply to be ....

Today, Saturday, even though it really is Sunday morning, my friend Jenn Cross came to visit. See picture above. I have written abnout my dear friend in earlier posts. Jenn has been back in the US to care for her father who is fighting cancer. He is very sick, yet Jenn manages to aska bout my situation and offered to be tested to see if she is a candidate for kidney donation for me. Just the thought is touching. I have a picutre of Jenn behind me in line for First Communion, both of being North Plymouth gals. We really grew to be friends in junior high when we were both hospitalized. Jenn has ulcerative colitis and has been very healthy to have kept it in check over the years- she knows the hell prednisone can cause. I can go years without seeing Jenn and then catch up with her and no time seems to have lapsed. She is a true friend. I am lucky to have so many friends as I do. She's also writing a book and she is prodding em along in working on my book. She is the original blogger: see detouring-daily.com

Today I ate all the salami my grandfather had in his house and I am very swollen. It's nearly 3 in the morning so I should probably head to bed and elevate those piggers. 'til next time...

I have had a terrible relapse of my colon issues since I have last written. October 29th was particularly troubling. Not only because of my poor health and spirit that day, but because it was the first snow. It crusted the leaves with almost an inch and left a dusting on my jack-o-lantern. I wonder what the Winter will be like- as harsh as it was last year?- Nonetheless, I have been continuously growing grumpier by the day due to an erratic sleep schedule and the trots. I barely leave the house. I barely muster the energy for proper hygiene practices, just when I find my own scent sufficiently disconcerting, do I find the strength to take that essential bath. Anyway, I put myself back on my medicine and decided maybe I shouldn't play doctor this week. I am recovering. I think sometimes I am just complaining too much and need to get off the sinking sulking ship and get aboard the Good Ship Lollypop. Other people have it worse right? SO what if I don't get my vacation to Florida and Homecoming. I still need to send out the mass email with my regrets to those I planned on redezvousing with.
So off the subject- for the past two days I have been experiencing extreme right leg pain, so much so that it hurt to walk. My pain tolerance is pretty high and I know its not my imagination. I had taken a fall last week but I landed mostly on wrists and those bruises have healed. I am riddled with bruises on my legs anyway from the anemia and diabetes so there weren't any tell tale signs of specific injuries. On Halloween, I almost had Carrie escort me to the Hospital for an xray. Today I went to do errands and stopped by my mom's where Darryl, my stepfather, asked about my grandfather's leg, I had no idea what he was talking about ande he said that he heard that he broke it this weekend. Well, right away I went to his house, which was dark, and then went to my aunts,a nd she said that he busted it and he was in the hospital. He injured it on Sunday and had surgery on Halloween. THE SAME LEG THAT WAS HURTING ME> Now, I have read the Celestine Prophecy several times years back, which for those unfamiliar, is a spiritual journey set in an adventure much like the Da Vinchi Code, this is the pre-millenium version. One of the tenets of the CP is that there are no coincidences. Rather, the world conjures these experiences to give us a message, or act as guideposts that lead us to a high purpose. My message is that I need to spend more time with my grandfather. That is exactly what I will do in the next coming weeks since he shouldn't be alone in a cast hip to toe and mentally, only leaving the house for dialysis is not healthy, so perhaps, I have a message for him and his injury at this time as well.

More pictures of the Fall changes to the trees. Most of the leaves were blown off during the Nor'easter. The high temperature today is 49 degrees with a low near freezing. Yuck. No snow yet though, for those of you who asked. Good thing I have new coat to warm my bones. I didn't do much today but sleep. I was up late doing laundry and (shocking) watching the World Series. When I did settle down it was three and I was finally graced by sleep at 4am. Needless to say, it was probably a result of too much caffeine. Started a new chick lit book, mindless enough to rest my brain but to keep me interested. off to read it...

Wow! I didn't realize it had been so long since I had blogged, nor did I realize that people were actually reading it on a regular basis- great. This week has been uneventful, just trying to cope with the stomach and sadness as it is evident that I won't be able to make it to UCF Homecoming in Orlando as I had intended. Dialysis require upfront $ for the 20% that Medicare doesn't cover upfront, I have to get a fistula, venous access surgery, for dialysis during this time period, and its flu season: a plane during flu season is not the best place to be for someone so immunocompromised such as myself. BUT my main reason, no pun intended, is my butt, and my fear, which is completely rational in my humble opinion, that I'm going to relapse and prolapse and have a colon emergency or embarassing situation. I stopped taking the vancomycin and probiotic therapy for the colon infection and things have actually been a thousand times better. It was either that or my mom's magic pancakes that she made me on Sunday that created such improvement. I blew off some steam on Friday with a trip to Old Navy, I needed some shirts that weren't stained by my shakiness or dialysis. I don't want to look like a scum bag, even if its just me that sees my image in the mirror. What is it about shopping that always makes me feel better? I had saved some money,but since I am not going... I haven't talked to my friend Jenn, who is likely in Boston spending time with her much ailing Father, please keep him in your prayers beside me. Today, Carrie and I went out to dinner at Bugaboo Creek Steak House- I left my Coach Signature Crusher hat there like a dumb ass so I'll have to get it tomorrow. I have been on a Diet Mountain Dew Kick since Diet Coke has too much phospherous in it and my labs get thrown off. It gave me the energy today to get what to me seems like a lot accomplished. I can't tell you the last time I was brave enough to actually eat in a restaurant- take out- yes, so that I could be close to my own toilet, if you know what I mean. So I borrowed some of Hooker's ativan last night to help with sleep. It's amazing what a good night sleep will do for you. I'll have to see the doctor to reevaluate my sleep aids to get back in a normal swing of things- three hours at dialysis just isn't enough. Even that has been restricted since the old man they called Herbie has been praying very loudly the ENTIRE time I am there. I was going to ask (politely) if one of the nurses could ask him to pray to himself, but just when I was about to- the power went OUT! This was before the Nor'easter, so there was no weather related reason that caused the outage. I decided that it was God's way of telling me to stop being such a jerk and give this guy some peace. I guess I'll just have to start bringing headphones. I guess I could use a little prayer myself. But tonight I'll be thinking of my Friends in South Florida, who are suffering, again, from a hurricane.

Carrie and I tried to take some Fall pictures of the pets bu they weren't so cooperative, except for the cat who wanted to be in every picture. My main problem is the shakes causing blurriness in the photos- editing doesn't really help the image distortion. Any tips-amateur photogs?

I have had so much time on my hands that I have at least not wasted the opportunity to watch the Fall unfold before me. It is ironic to think that the beauty of these trees is in their time of death. I did very little today. While at dialysis, an old senile man prayed the Hail Mary over and over outloud for two and a half solid hours. My stomach was doing ok, and then exploded and I left dialysis early- they were out of toilet paper and I didn't want to risk it. I am trying to accomplish at least one goal a day so that I can mentally feel like I am prodictive and contributing something meaningful to the day since I get up and about around 4 in the afternoon these days. It's embarassing to say. So my accomplishments today were cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, and setting up dialysis for my Florida trip. I have to decide if I am going to take the second part of Fall classes- I signed up for one. Right now, $ is up in the air but most of all my stomach. I don't know if I should just wait until the winter since I would have to miss a couple classes due to my Homecoming trip. I guess I have a lot to think about... any advice?

It's a gloomy day in Plymouth, although it's not raining. We had 9 solid days of rain and a lot of local towns are flooded. I'm not so worried about it here since we live on a big hill with no water sources in the region besides the ocean which is two miles away. It's very windy today. The cat tried to sit by the window and got blown down. I am not mtoivated to do anything today, which I keep telling myself is okay, but makes me feel like a loser. I probably should shower and vacuum, but I'd rather go back to bed, even though I did just get up like an hour ago. Even Carrie got up and out and went to get her nails done and went to the mall. I wasn't even motivated for that- I kind of wish it was raining. Instead, I am watching a TLC special on midgets, I mean "little people" to be politically correct.

I finally made it over to my brother Chris and his wife Tiggy's house to see baby Jude Dylan above. He is adorable and it has been so long since I have held a baby. My brother is totally pumped to be a dad and I don't think the reality of it all has quite set in fully. Tiggy looks good for giving birth just a week ago. Chris told me that when they got in the car to go to the hospital, when they turned on the radio "hey Jude" was playing. What a coincidence! My brother is a big Beatles fan and is what I would describe as an old soul, with this in mind, it was also ironic that baby Jude shares John Lennon's birthday. I am hopeful that I will be able to watch this baby grow up and that I will be a good aunt to him. I have a nephew!

It has been raining here for more than a week. I am home from the hospital and am physically recovered from the colonoscopies, though mentally, its a different story. I still haven't been to see my nephew because I have been under this horrible weather, but I hope I'll be up to it this weekend. I have custody of my mom's digital camera so I'll be able to post some picutres of the boy. My stomach is a little better, though it still has flare ups and episodes. My sleeping pattern is skewed because of the weird hospital schedule. The only thing I have accomplished this week was a haircut- I cut a little fringe of bangs, which was like most of my actions, was completely impulsive and random, but the results are not bad. I'll post a picutre of them as soon as I look good enough to be seen on the web. Unfortunately, my friend Jenn is back from her world travels and adventurous life in Espana. Her dad took a turn for the worse- though she seems ready to accept that he is likely succombing to the wrath of cancer, her family seems less likely to see the end of him and more like to be spending the moment in denial. I think tha tmakes things worse later on. But nonetheless, I keep the family in my prayers and don't give up faith because God knows I've been in the position where recovery seems impossible as well and things have turned out for the best. You never know where the soul can summon strenght from in moments of challenge. I wish it was easier to take my own advice sometimes, isntead of me getting caught up in my own pity party.

The picture reveals that Fall is here, even with all the rain.

Turn your head and check out the beginning of Fall in New England

I have a lot to catch up on but my stomach is currently on the blink so I will just write the highlights of the past couple of days.
1. My nephew Jude Dylan was born on Saturday October 8th. I can't wait to see him but I have been under the weather still.
2. I am out of the hospital, for now. Currently still experiencing symptoms so we'll see what happens haven't really been leaving the house except for dialysis. Luckily, its been rainy so I'm not missing much.
3. I had two colonoscopies last week and they didn't sedate me nearly as much as I needed so I have been very uncomfortable. I had an accident on the way to the pot and skidded on my bathroom floor so my knee is swollen. Could it get much worse?
On a happy note, Courtney got me some ruby slippers to boost my spirits- that did the trick as she drove me home from the clink and shared the good newsw that she and GW are expecting a baby girl in March. Yippee for them.

Oh how I miss my Puppa dog. He was happy to see me today, which made me feel loved.

It happened again. I write all about my colonoscopy and the dial up connection dies before the blog posts. SO I'll try this again... It started at 11:30pm last night when the hospital pharmacy finally delivered the Go Lytely preparation I was to drink, A whole gallon of the shit. I was chugging away- at a pretty good pace, hey I did learn something in college, but by 4am I was exhausted. At 5am the nurse woke me up to clean me out from the other end via Fleet method. I was miserable and nervous. I got no sleep. I went to the endoscopy suite at about 10am, missed breakfast of course. They tried to dope me up but I require a lot of drugs so the effects were minimal and I still felt hose probing my ars. They only good thing was that I could see my innards on the tv monitor. They didn't find anything unsual, which I guess I was kind of looking forward to- they did take several pinch biopsies. I was full of air and continued to expel it the rest of the afternoon.
My mom brought Detroit for a visit this evening, which boosted my spirits. As did the care package/pyjamagram I got from the Rushforths. It was very thoughtful. Sun designed and Duckdesigned pjs- much better than flowers and practical for a hospital girl like myself. I am hoping to get home soon. I have dialysis tomorrow I believe. I cheated and had a hot dog from the cafeteria tonight. Hot dogs are not on the approved diet list due to the amount of phospherous. I took some extra pills to try to balance the slip up. I have been drinking Diet Mountain Dew again, which is better than Diet Coke since dark soda poses a phospherous problem too. I need a manicure and a new pair of shoes. Most of all I need a good night's sleep. Mymuscles are stiff and crampy, usually a sign of kidney malfunction, so I asked for some pain meds. They really didn't do much for me. I took a walk around the hospital floor. If you walk around in a circle 24 times, it equals a mile. It is critical for rehab for transplant patients, I basically just do it to prevent pneumonia and to avoid blood clots which can grow from laying in bed too much. More tomorrow...

Once again, my blog of yesterday and the events that were erased the day before disappeared in my attempt to publish. In summary: the doctors have tried a new drug IVIG, intravenous immunoglobulin, to bump up my immune system which is nonexistant from the antirejection drugs. They are still not sure what the route is to cure this stomach issue. I had a consult with the vascular surgeon to create a fistula for dialysis access. I had a GI consult and it looks like tomorrow I will have some sort of scope shoved up my ass. Dialysis was particularly rough today- they are very aggressive here and took off 6.something kilos (1 kilo=2.2lbs). They won't disconnect you from the machine so I had to use a bed pan twice. I thought I was going to fall out of the bed because I was weak from the treatment trying to balance on the pot. I had to then wait a full hour for transport to come bring me to my room. I actually would have waited longer but the secretary, a very nice lady, decided to take me herself. She then asked if she could pray for me- not one to turn down a blessing she prayed for me and told me that I had to be strong to get through this because god had plans for me. That was meaningful to hear from a stranger and then I tried to stay awake for the soaps. No good- I zonked out. I talked to my mom and she put the dog on the phone, which is pathetic but exemplary of how terribly I miss the dog. No talk of when I'll get home- soon I hope.

Damn it! I write a huge blog of my days events in the clink and it gets erased by the stupid dial up connection I have here in the Brig. I guess I'll have to make it up tomorrow.

"Wave Of Mutilation" - The Pixies: "1. Wave Of Mutilation - The Pixies This is reminiscent of my youth- the summer with Fortini and the infamous TIger B- when I thought I was too big for my britches, now I am jst an old lady"

Well, as I should know by now, after so many years, delaying the inevitable does nothing but waste time. I tried to cancel my doctor's appointments on Wednesday because after dialysis I was ladenwith cramps and a still unstable gut. I cancelled them, but my mother, upon discovering my machinations, through me in her RAV4 and carted me up to the Brig. My new name for it much like an army jail. Then I got to drink the contrast again to see if there was anything different in my abdominal CT scan- guess what- there's nothing in there with the took the exception of some radioactive organs. For those not familiar with this test, you have to drink a pint of barium over a half hour. It is a thick, creamy substance, much like I stated in an earlier post, could be likened to pina coladas, after you've had about fifteen of them. But then you have to wait a hour, or longer depending on the schedule of the CT department which operates around the clock. I started drinking the shit at 10pm and wasn't called for the test until 2am. In the meantime though, I experienced a severe low blood sugar registering 34. I was severely symptomatic with sweats, dizziness, shakes- like I was experiencing a drug withdrawl. When I rang for my nurse, he thought perhaps my sweats were due to the room temperature-it was 78, so he put it down to 74. Upon my insistance, however, he checked my level. YIKES!
I have been a professional patient for most of my life and like anyone with a chronic illness, I know my body and its chnages best. Don't doubt me. I had to have to have several doses of IV dextrose throughout the night because I continues to bottom out with my sugar. They then began to test me every two hours. This isn't very good for sleep-so I ended up sleeping all day. My mom came to visit after work. I feel bad for her and my dog, who are both stressed and frustrated whenI am in the hospital and over an hour away in traffic. Carrie is busy with work and getting ready for a trip to a conference. She hasn't called. I guess maybe I should call instead of expecting the world to revolve around me. I am thinking that maybe school is going to be out yet another semester. I really need school or something to keep me going. The tech just tested my blood sugar and it was 501- quite the opposite of last night- will it ever end? Hoping your day is well...more later

I was happy yesterday when I opened my mail and discovered the latest edition of the Pegasus, the UCF alumni magazine. They did an update of my story and the good works my friends were doing,i.e., the cirlce of friends supper club. I am going to send out a group email to let everyone know about it and promote organ donation awareness.

Fall is really setting in now. The leaves are falling and it is cooling off. I feel like I missed most of summer because of my stomach. It looks like there aren't any classes being offered this winter for my school program, which is disappointing. I guess it gives me more time to get my business in order. I still have to take my realestate exam, but I want to make sure that my stomach is okay before committing.

Above is the picture of my family in Nantucket for Darryl's birthday.

I am feeling a little bit better today. I think the medicine is finally working. I am starting to get my regular appetite back. I made Darryl a scrapbook of the family trip to Nantucket that I missed since I was sick. He seemed to enjoy it and I liked making it. I enjoy scrapbooking as a hobby even though I no longer have a digital camera of my own- maybe christmas. I have dialysis tomorrow because Saturday I didn't make it- too much of a flare up to sit for four hours at 5:30 in the morning. I overlooked a bunch of doctor's appointments last week so I have to reschedule them all this week. My mom's folks are getting ready to head back to Florida- its that season for the snowbirds to leave. more later.

I spent most of the day today sleeping. When I went to get up and get ready for dialysis, the colon began to get uproarious so I cancelled my appointment and rescheduled for Monday morning. I think that since I was having trouble sleeping last night, I took too much Klonopin and that "relaxed" my system a bit too much. I have been better during the waking hours. Carrie and I played Scrabble and then I downloaded my mom's pictures from Nantucket. I figured I might make Darryl a scrapbook for his birthday of the celebration and some other photos I have. I heard from one of my special people Rebecca Hejl, who told me that she was engaged! I love good news. It helps pull me from the rip tide of my pity party. It is getting a little better. My mom came over and cleaned my house today. I think it helps her feel like she is doing something. ALthough I haven't had soda in months, and I am proud I haven't fallen off teh diet coke hotline, I have been drinking diet mountain dew which really gives me a kick. Gotta finish wathcing law and order now.

I don't even think that a new pair of shoes would make me feel better today. I had dialysis today to make up from a Tuesday unworthy of sitting anywhere besides the toilet. Today I made it through though but I am just emotionally drained and I am feeling sorry for myself, which is not normal for me and feels wrong on so many levels. I know I am frustrating everyone around me, including my dog, who just wants to sleep undisturbed. He comes to the bathroom door and pokes his head in to check on me periodically. Sometimes he sits and watches me sit, but grows bored and leaves to scratch or lick himself, typical male. He is the only thing that gets me out of bed. In my scrapbook of 2004, the last page said "2005 will be better" well, it hasn't and September is nearly over. The next three months have pretty high expectations on them and best to just cast them aside and chalk this year up as a loser too. No kidney, no companion, no credit. But I'm not ready to jump off the bridge just yet and the handful of pills I take are those which I've been prescribed. Maybe Jay Leno will make me laugh.

my life has been relatively unblogworthy the past week. My colon has been in an uproar and just when you think it was settling down, bam! a flare up. The doctors were trying to restart my antibiotics and that just set me back to square one. Today I missed dialysis because I couldn't keep out of the bathroom for more than twenty minutes. I didn't have a complete treatment on Saturday either. So I am huge,bloated and full of fluid. I also missed the family Nantucket trip. Besides being in the bathroom, I spent the weekend sleeping. I am just very frustrated with this lot in life and find myself drowning in pity, which is very un-Jill-like. I don't think time in the hospital will necessarily help my ailing colon or spirit. I have neglected my email, my phone, any real connection with the world. I don't think I've left the house in five days- how pathetic. I think I'll have some golden grahams now and hope they stay in. I hope everyone reading is feeling happy.

Yippee! I convinced the docs to let me go home. I am not constantly in the bathroom, infact, things have slowed quite a bit. I think it may be related to the liquid vanco that they are giving me instead of the pill form, who knows, maybe it just finally started to kick in. Anywho, I will see my doggy, which pleases me beyond all else. I'll sleep in my own bed. And in general, just be more relaxed. I dropped my classes, which saddens me, because I probably could have just gone next week without fail , but I think my body is telling me to correct my priorities and school can take a back seat right now. I have some things I have been procrastinating with because I have been so ill so now is the time to get my business in order, like visiting my family, scheduling my real estate exam and getting some refunds I'm due. I long to reorganize my closet and ready my fall shoes. Yes, this may seem shallow but , I guess I am when it comes to shoes. Hey we all find joy in different places. I have a pair I was asaving for the first day of school that I got for $11.70, normally $40. That is a dream for me. Not only a great pair of shoes but a great pair of shoes deeply discounted. Okay TANGENT!. I am hoping that now that I am going home I will be able to see my friend Jenn Cross- my ballsiest frienjd by far. She just picked up and moved to Spain, depsite the cloud of chrone's disease floating above her head. She's following her dream of being a writer and is way further into her book than I am on mine. (Jealous) Perhaps her ferver will kick my kiester into gear. more from home....

Well, the past week has been horrific and I haven't doen anything except to be in the bathroom. I finally broke down and had Carrie take me to the emergency room on Tuesday- I probably waited too long. I guess I was worried that I wasn't going to make it to school, but it really doesn't matter because I had to drop out this part of the quarter anyway. There is another class that starts in October so I'll stay registered for that. I tried so hard and this bug is just so miserable that there is no fighting it. I'm just looking forward to homecoming at this point.

This is the worst time of the night in the hospital. I have already eaten dinner and now I'm hungry again. Yesterday I went twenty five hours without eating anything. By the time I was allowed to eat they decided that I needed to drink a liter of barium for a stomach CT. Then I had to wait 3 hours for them to take me for the test. When I drink the barium, which has been more frequent than anyone deserves, I pretend that it is a pina colada and put it on ice. It kind of has a coconutty texture and smell, okay not really smell, and I chug it down.
It also stinks because there is no one around to socialize with or even to poke and prod me. It is too early to go to bed and there is nothing good on tv. AND of course, I hate the phone! That's why the laptop is so great! more later.