Today I was supposed to go to the Clink for a venous mapping appointment. This is an ultrasound diagnostic procedure in which my arm veins are measured and "mapped" to look for the best connection between my veins and artery to create a fistula, or access for dialysis. I have a catheter in my clavicle now but they are prone to infection (i.e., sepsis that nearly killed me in March). Since I have no immune system, the doctors are surprised I have done so well. I say iwas supposed to go because I didn't make it. I got up, showered, set my coffee pot, got dressed and was about out the door when BAM! colon blow! I was in the bathroom so long that there was no way I was going to make it in town and rushing would just cause me more distress. I called and explained, but now I have to wait for the next appointment. I guess maybe I am a bit of a mental case, just thinking about going up there causes anxiety. What in particular I am anxious about- I'm not sure. maybe about being admitted. Maybe that I'll get news I don't want to hear. Maybe that I'll have to experience something painful or embarassing, though that is nothing new. I didn't sleep the night before, and I am not taking any Ativan or other sleep aids. Lack of sleep is making moody. I went to my old shift of dialysis, which literally is like night and day. I like the night shift much better. So I am going switch to the new center or to the other shift. It turns out that a nice woman Nancy was given too much heparin, took a fall when she got home and nearly bled to death. This is the third incident that I know of that has occured at this center, including myself this spring. It was a year on the 4th that I have been doing dialysis and I am still looking for an acceptable and willing donor. I have to check into the situation for my friend Jenn who wants to be tested. My mom is losing weight and not drinking to see if her blood pressure goes down. She is doing awesome and I want her to be healthy even if she isn't eligible to give me an organ. I am very proud of her efforts. I don't know if I could be a mother, well I know I can't physically, but to be that sacrificial.

Detroit got a bath today too- he wasn't very happy. He keeps licking his paws. I looked and there is no burr or sore spot. Does anyone have any advice of how I can make the puppa stop suffering? Please post.