Thursday, June 30, 2005

Today's Rating: 7.5
Today was an okay day. Not a day that I would be able to walk 5 miles, but not a day when I felt banished to the couch, or even more importantly, to the bathroom. (If you are going to read my blog, be prepared for some poo poo talk.) I slept through dialysis so the time wennt quickly. I'm not sure if that is a blessing or not since I likely will not sleep tonight. I felt well enough after dialysis to do laundry and though I could have cooked a nice dinner, I opted for Ernie's Pizza. For those far away friends, Ernie's is a North Plymouth family-owned itlaian restaurant, been around for years. They make yummy thin crust pizza, a "must try" when visiting Plymouth.
One of my new habits, besides this blogging thing, is going on, the 21st century dating trend. I figure its a new way to try to find friends and maybe more. I went on one date last Sunday and it was a good start to stick my swollen toes slowly back into the dating pool. It's a good way to screen guys so that I don't have to find out if he jives with my medical history. After consulting with Jamie (every girl needs a good gay guy friend- much love Pookles) and Carrie, I figured that when the ineviatble health history comes up, I would start with the diabetes and work backwards, kidneys, lungs, etc. It's not that I am holding back- it's just a lot to share with a stranger. I guess at this stage in my life I am a bit vulnerable and afraid of rejection...still realing from the fact that I was left for a "healthy girl." That being said- that will probably be one of the few times I mention the nastiness. I am well into processing my past with the help of the wonderful Russ Frye, PsyD. Even though I am a counselor by trade, as are most of my friends, it is good to have someone removed from the situation to check in with. Like one of my favorite quotes from grad school- a counselor needs counseling as a surgeon needs his scalpel to be sharp. or something to that effect.
Today the Old Colony Memorial ran a correction. You see, my baby brother Douglas is one of the state's best high school baseball players. The local paper ran a story featuring him and how he's going to be playing in Fenway park. I am so happy for him and extremely proud- this is certainly his, and my father's, dream come true. However, when listing his family...I was omitted- intentionally? inadvertently? Either way, I am not too big to admit, my feelings were hurt. A correction was written to include me. Granted I have not been close with Dougie because I moved away and he grew up in the meantime. He's a good kid and I don't think he would set out to slight me- I just think that maybe it is what it is: he doesn't count me as part of his family. Well, as hurt as I am, I am also angry that my dad said nothing and let that go to print. I'm not dead yet- give me a chance. My grandmother never would have stood for this. I miss her so much. I am just really thankful that I have my grandfather and my aunt to keep me part of that side of the family. I know it may seem be little things, like not being invited to my brother's fiance's bridal shower, but its just another kick while I'm down. I don't want the world to revolve around me, maybe that's how it seemed in the past. I just have come to appreciate family so much, despite all the quirks.
OK- I feel therapeutic, this blogging thing. Now I will add a nice tune from for you to enjoy.
"Copacabana" - Barry Manilow: "1. Copacabana - Barry Manilow"

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

"Scars" - Papa Roach: "1. Scars - Papa Roach"

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

This is me.
So this is the first posting for my blog page and is much an experiment. I figured that despite my best efforts to procrastinate in writing my book, this might be a way to get the creative process going and also a way to catch up with those far away friends that I don't get to talk to so often. I hope to be able to post some funny stories that will make people come back to read more. I thought I'd try this form of communication- everyone knows I hate the phone. I also hope to inform some strangers who might happen upon me randomly about the challenges I face and how to overcome them.
So it's nearly 1am and my sleeping woes continue. I hadn't slept for almost 2 days, despite Ativan and relaxing music. My dog Detroit has grown grumpy since he doesn't sleep much either. The other night at 4am I decided that it would be a good idea to clean his ears- he hated me that night/morning. It seems that at this time of day I have the nergy to do a lot of things...right now I am toying with the idea of vacuuming, but I know that would disturb my roommate Carrie. Besides, the dirt has waited this long to be sucked up- what's one more day. Since my sleep cycle is off I slept all day today, which was refreshing given that it was kind of rainy. I wish that we had a 24 hour Walmart or something so I could go out and walk around. I posted a nice tune for you- Scars by Papa Roach..check out the lyrics at