Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Okay, so I try to pull up one picture and five pop up- nonetheless enjoy the picture of me and Courtney at her baby shower this Saturday. She is due with a girl in early March and she really seems to have already embraced the role of motherhood. Congratulations Court and GW!

I have been lapse in my blogging for several reasons- mostly because I haven't felt well. What began as a simple ear infection landed me in the Jordan Hospital ER. They had to give me two shots of morphine to ease the immense pain, and I'm no baby. Then I had drops to ease the inflammation. Both did very little. The little bastard tehn moved down into my sinuses and alas, settled in my lungs. Coughing makes me very anxious, given my past and finally I decided that a trip into the old clink would be necessary. I have the surgeries finally scheduled for next week so maybe I'll be in good shape and can still get them done. I always have pneumonia this time of year- I don't know what made me think that this year would be any different. My colon has quieted down- I am happy to report and I'm sure you are happy to read, BUT they are starting me with antibiotics for this lung infection so the chances are great that my colon issues will return with a vengence.

Scott, Audrey, Kristen, Todd and Carrie joined us for Thanksgiving. I wasn't much of a joy though. My head felt like I was in a fish bowl and I could only hear garble and bits of side conversation. It sucked. I also visited my dad's house and snapped some updated photos of baby Jude. I also went to Deb's to check in on them. My grandfather has a new, less restricitve cast and he seemed to be in good spirits. The biggest joy I had was popping some NyQuil, a klonopin, and hitting the hay. Only recently were my nights interrupted by mucus and coughing fits.

Carrie has been very busy with teaching and work. I think that she may be getting sick of living with me, which I can understand since I have little to share about my stay at home- got to dialysis life. She is looking to meet friends and expand her social circle, especially for New Year's, I, on the otherhand, can not commit to anything long term. I was hoping the holidays would perk me up and not be stressful. Maybe the hospital visit will be the vacation that I need.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

There hasn't been much to report about in the past couple of days, but to honor my lovely, loyal reader Shippy, AKA the Southern Monkey, I will update. I finally made it to the Brigham to get my venous mapping completed. It looks like it will have to be in my right arm as they suspected before because my left arm is overused and scarred from the years of multiple needle sticks and IVs. (I recall one time when I was young and at the Floating when Courtney came to visit and they had to stick me 23 times before they succeeded.) I wait for the call to see when the surgery will be planned. I go back to the clink on Friday to see the tummy doc. Of course, not that i'm complaining, but this week has been a good week for the colon. On the otherhand I have a head cold and have been in a zombie-like state for the past 30+ hours. I really need a shower, but my head is clogged so I can't smell myself- it can't be that bad. I hadn't really seen my grandfather because I was in bad shape last week, but I stopped to see him and he is doing great- he even got out and about (see photo above- yes, he is giving the finger, whihc is a good sign he's back to normal.) He would never touch a computer, especially after the dateline special on internet predators, but he is my special person for today. I keep plugging away at this life because I know he is too. I have had conversations with him that I would have never expected.
In other news, the Kitty Kat Klub president from the old TriDelta days, Dr. Allison Kanter Agliata, had a baby girl, Lia Brooke on November 8th, many well wishes to her and her family- way to go DAN and his mighty seed! I haven't had the opportunity to see baby Jude again because I don't want to go over there all germy and I know they are settling into a routine. Happily, I managed to keep myself out of the hospital for the time being- the holidays are usually tough and I usually get pneumonia so I'm doing everything I can to stay well as long as I can. I may do a lot of my holiday shopping online to avoid the germfest that is the mall. I anticipate a lot of christmas cards this year to thank and reach 0ut to all those that supported my supper club. Since I am disabled and broke, I plan on creating some gifts this year- so if your sucks- know that its at least from the heart.
My prayers go out to Jenn Cross still, besides her dad struggling with cancer, her mom was recently in the hospital with diverticulitis.
until next time...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Today I was supposed to go to the Clink for a venous mapping appointment. This is an ultrasound diagnostic procedure in which my arm veins are measured and "mapped" to look for the best connection between my veins and artery to create a fistula, or access for dialysis. I have a catheter in my clavicle now but they are prone to infection (i.e., sepsis that nearly killed me in March). Since I have no immune system, the doctors are surprised I have done so well. I say iwas supposed to go because I didn't make it. I got up, showered, set my coffee pot, got dressed and was about out the door when BAM! colon blow! I was in the bathroom so long that there was no way I was going to make it in town and rushing would just cause me more distress. I called and explained, but now I have to wait for the next appointment. I guess maybe I am a bit of a mental case, just thinking about going up there causes anxiety. What in particular I am anxious about- I'm not sure. maybe about being admitted. Maybe that I'll get news I don't want to hear. Maybe that I'll have to experience something painful or embarassing, though that is nothing new. I didn't sleep the night before, and I am not taking any Ativan or other sleep aids. Lack of sleep is making moody. I went to my old shift of dialysis, which literally is like night and day. I like the night shift much better. So I am going switch to the new center or to the other shift. It turns out that a nice woman Nancy was given too much heparin, took a fall when she got home and nearly bled to death. This is the third incident that I know of that has occured at this center, including myself this spring. It was a year on the 4th that I have been doing dialysis and I am still looking for an acceptable and willing donor. I have to check into the situation for my friend Jenn who wants to be tested. My mom is losing weight and not drinking to see if her blood pressure goes down. She is doing awesome and I want her to be healthy even if she isn't eligible to give me an organ. I am very proud of her efforts. I don't know if I could be a mother, well I know I can't physically, but to be that sacrificial.

Detroit got a bath today too- he wasn't very happy. He keeps licking his paws. I looked and there is no burr or sore spot. Does anyone have any advice of how I can make the puppa stop suffering? Please post.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

For the past couple of days, I have spending time with my grandfather as he is recuperating from his patella tendon repair. He is expected to be in an ankle to hip cast for 6-8 weeks. I expected him to be less mobile, but he has been up and walking to the bathroom, out to check the mail, around setting lights, etc. My aunt Deb arranged home health aides until Wednesday but he really doesn't need much help. The concern is more about him falling getting out of bed at night. He has plenty of friends that come and visit during the day so he is never alone long then. I usually funtion best in the afternoon so I have been going over about 4pm and I stay until 9:30 10pm, as long as I know Detroit can hold his bladder with no accidents. I know it stinks for Papa to be sick, but I have really enjoyed spending time with him. It stinks that something bad has to happen for me to realize it. I think I got my fighting spirit from him. He has beaten cancer twice. He had a motor home fall on him while changing a tire. He totalled his motor cycle in Sturgis. The one battle he couldn't win was my grandmother's brain tumor. She was a fighter too, she had girly cancer and had a hysterectomy, she had a heart attack and kept fighting, but the tumor got the best of her and she lost her ability to speak and complete thoughts. Seeing my grandmother struggle and to lose her, took away his faith. I think he is angry with God, I have been angry too, in my life, but I have also reconciled that God's will will be done and his purpose is not known- you ahve to accept that. I just finished 90 minutes in Heaven, a memior about a man who got in a terrible car accident and was dead and then came back to life to find new challenges, including pain and depression, and a reason to live. He poses a lot of questions I have had myself as someone trying the best they can just to simply exist, simply to be ....

Today, Saturday, even though it really is Sunday morning, my friend Jenn Cross came to visit. See picture above. I have written abnout my dear friend in earlier posts. Jenn has been back in the US to care for her father who is fighting cancer. He is very sick, yet Jenn manages to aska bout my situation and offered to be tested to see if she is a candidate for kidney donation for me. Just the thought is touching. I have a picutre of Jenn behind me in line for First Communion, both of being North Plymouth gals. We really grew to be friends in junior high when we were both hospitalized. Jenn has ulcerative colitis and has been very healthy to have kept it in check over the years- she knows the hell prednisone can cause. I can go years without seeing Jenn and then catch up with her and no time seems to have lapsed. She is a true friend. I am lucky to have so many friends as I do. She's also writing a book and she is prodding em along in working on my book. She is the original blogger: see

Today I ate all the salami my grandfather had in his house and I am very swollen. It's nearly 3 in the morning so I should probably head to bed and elevate those piggers. 'til next time...

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I have had a terrible relapse of my colon issues since I have last written. October 29th was particularly troubling. Not only because of my poor health and spirit that day, but because it was the first snow. It crusted the leaves with almost an inch and left a dusting on my jack-o-lantern. I wonder what the Winter will be like- as harsh as it was last year?- Nonetheless, I have been continuously growing grumpier by the day due to an erratic sleep schedule and the trots. I barely leave the house. I barely muster the energy for proper hygiene practices, just when I find my own scent sufficiently disconcerting, do I find the strength to take that essential bath. Anyway, I put myself back on my medicine and decided maybe I shouldn't play doctor this week. I am recovering. I think sometimes I am just complaining too much and need to get off the sinking sulking ship and get aboard the Good Ship Lollypop. Other people have it worse right? SO what if I don't get my vacation to Florida and Homecoming. I still need to send out the mass email with my regrets to those I planned on redezvousing with.
So off the subject- for the past two days I have been experiencing extreme right leg pain, so much so that it hurt to walk. My pain tolerance is pretty high and I know its not my imagination. I had taken a fall last week but I landed mostly on wrists and those bruises have healed. I am riddled with bruises on my legs anyway from the anemia and diabetes so there weren't any tell tale signs of specific injuries. On Halloween, I almost had Carrie escort me to the Hospital for an xray. Today I went to do errands and stopped by my mom's where Darryl, my stepfather, asked about my grandfather's leg, I had no idea what he was talking about ande he said that he heard that he broke it this weekend. Well, right away I went to his house, which was dark, and then went to my aunts,a nd she said that he busted it and he was in the hospital. He injured it on Sunday and had surgery on Halloween. THE SAME LEG THAT WAS HURTING ME> Now, I have read the Celestine Prophecy several times years back, which for those unfamiliar, is a spiritual journey set in an adventure much like the Da Vinchi Code, this is the pre-millenium version. One of the tenets of the CP is that there are no coincidences. Rather, the world conjures these experiences to give us a message, or act as guideposts that lead us to a high purpose. My message is that I need to spend more time with my grandfather. That is exactly what I will do in the next coming weeks since he shouldn't be alone in a cast hip to toe and mentally, only leaving the house for dialysis is not healthy, so perhaps, I have a message for him and his injury at this time as well.