Thursday, October 25, 2007

This is a picture of Lydia Halunen and me at Mandy's introduction party for Ellie.

Today was uneventful. I finally met up with the GI people and instead of doing a full colonoscopy and prep, they are going to do the biospies through a sigmoidoscopy,which doesn't go as far up your colon. It is dangerous to do a larger scope because of the level of inflammation. I have homework to do, but I am a bit uncomfortable for concentration. I have been worrying about what I am going to do about the work I have missed and how I am going to adjust my budget. I can't imagine what it is like for people that have no insurance and have a health care issue. My friend Kelli Belfatto is also having an abdominal crisis, but is going to the doctor. I'm glad she isn't one of those people that you have to argue with to get ther to got to the doctor's. She was sipping her colontini, an awesome new word to add to our Wiki, refering to the colonoscopy prep! Wonderful linguistic contribution Fatto! So I might not likely post tomorrow depending on how miserable I am and how much of my colon they snip out. I have an hour and half left to eat so I think I'll walk down for some Animal crackers to out of the vending machine to coat the stomach for the awful oral medicine they are shooting at me. So nothing exciting to report today!
more later....

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My bag is packed, and tomorrow, at a still undisclosed time, they will admit me to the Brigham and Women's Hospital, where they'll delve into my colon and snip pieces off in effort to find the disease process that has ravaged me since August. I have severe colitis, which is part of the reason I have been writing less frequently. I am hoping that despite the brave faces I have been putting forth the past few months I wil be able to smile for real without the aid of pain meds. I am also hoping that I will be able to work more regularly because my bottom line really sucks right now. I know that if it wasn't for school right now, I would certainly be in a bad place right now. School has given me something to look forward to. It's given me assignments and short term projects to take my mind off the day to day shit, literally. When I talk about my thesis ideas I can feel my heartbeat quicken and the excitement grow, like a new love. Truly, there can be no fear of commitment when you take on a dissertation topic. You have to jump in with both feet and let the passion you have for the topic drive you. The quest for knowledge drives you deeper and further into places you've never been in yourself. It's a lot like falling in love. let's hope my love life consists of more than paper and ink for the next two years! Otherwise, it could make for some nasty papercuts! Just kidding- you know I have to push the limits of decency... I have also been able to make some very good friends in a short time. I feel very lucky to have such a diverse group of people enter my life and our paths are intersecting now for no other reason on the surface than this program, but beneath, we have to be part of a bigger, more important picture it seems.

I was so blessed this month to meet Mandy's baby- Elena Rushforth Fates or EllieRoo,as she is adorably called. There is something about holding a new life that makes one aware of the fragility of life and the need to celebrate its beauty and newness. All of a sudden, my friend is now wholly responsible for protecting and guiding this new life to a safe place (but is that place ever a final destination). All my friends that are now mothers have truly embraced this new life position with such beauty and grace that I can only hope that I could obtain a similar position with my life choices.