My bag is packed, and tomorrow, at a still undisclosed time, they will admit me to the Brigham and Women's Hospital, where they'll delve into my colon and snip pieces off in effort to find the disease process that has ravaged me since August. I have severe colitis, which is part of the reason I have been writing less frequently. I am hoping that despite the brave faces I have been putting forth the past few months I wil be able to smile for real without the aid of pain meds. I am also hoping that I will be able to work more regularly because my bottom line really sucks right now. I know that if it wasn't for school right now, I would certainly be in a bad place right now. School has given me something to look forward to. It's given me assignments and short term projects to take my mind off the day to day shit, literally. When I talk about my thesis ideas I can feel my heartbeat quicken and the excitement grow, like a new love. Truly, there can be no fear of commitment when you take on a dissertation topic. You have to jump in with both feet and let the passion you have for the topic drive you. The quest for knowledge drives you deeper and further into places you've never been in yourself. It's a lot like falling in love. let's hope my love life consists of more than paper and ink for the next two years! Otherwise, it could make for some nasty papercuts! Just kidding- you know I have to push the limits of decency... I have also been able to make some very good friends in a short time. I feel very lucky to have such a diverse group of people enter my life and our paths are intersecting now for no other reason on the surface than this program, but beneath, we have to be part of a bigger, more important picture it seems.

I was so blessed this month to meet Mandy's baby- Elena Rushforth Fates or EllieRoo,as she is adorably called. There is something about holding a new life that makes one aware of the fragility of life and the need to celebrate its beauty and newness. All of a sudden, my friend is now wholly responsible for protecting and guiding this new life to a safe place (but is that place ever a final destination). All my friends that are now mothers have truly embraced this new life position with such beauty and grace that I can only hope that I could obtain a similar position with my life choices.