I haven't been blogging much these days. I guess that I have a lot on my mind that has kept me away from sitting at the computer and letting loose. Perhaps, it was the article I read on blogging that wrote that it was a "performance" for the readers rather than a true, genuine place to write about life and share with friends and voyeurs. That really put me off.

But I don't own that definition or purpose for blogging. It gets me in the habit of writing and thinking critically about myself and my relationships. God knows, I need to do more of both. I have spent most of July in my house. This summer marks the least tan I have ever been. With the inability to sleep comfortably at night, I am religated to find the peace of sleep during the day. No one quite understands that my sleep cycle is flip flopped right now. I am hoping that with some continued practice I will get on a cycle like the rest of humanity and I can crawl out of the bat cave, my windowless bedroom, to see the light of day. I've fallen into depressive and anxious thoughts, as I am still without a pancreas and still without financial security for my Doctoral program. I think that I am a planner by nature, even though most times the plans require some form of modification. I like to look at what the future has in store and I like to look forward to it. It gets me through the doldrums of here and now.

In other news, Kevin and I are on a "break". I'm not sure that this will turn into a break-up. But there's a reason they call it a break and not a fracture. There's the question of what will be healed if anything. I am embarking on a lot of new things, so maybe the timing is right. I guess I'd rather be sad because I have no one to call me than to be sad because the someone I have doesn't call. I'm trying to keep everything in perspective.
Will be better at blogging ....until then.