WOW- I hadn't realized it had been so long since I posted. It was a great Christmas and although my pain is still making me grumpy, I got plenty of rest and things seem to be improving. I spent the holiday at my mom's and I didn't have my computer, then I lost my cell phone so...I didn't get a chance to call or write to friends and wish them a happy holiday. I'll be catching up and writing an update since many of my emails from friends are requesting an update. The only thing to really report is that I have to go to Boston twice a week during the immediate post-surgery time. All my tests indicate that the kidney is doind well. I still have some swelling over the kidney, you can actually see the outline of it under my skin. Of course I am one to panic but I guess rejection is not a big deal with the kidney- they just give you a boatload of steriods. My labwork indicated that I might be dehydrated, but it could also be something else. My creatinine, a measure of how well the kidney was doing, was creeping up, however, my level this week was awesome .8 on a scale ranging from .5 to 1.4. I don't want to tell you what it used to be (over 6) when I was in need of dialysis. Apparently, if they have questions about your kidney, they do a biopsy. Hmmm... Doesn't look like we'll have to cross that bridge right now. I'll write more later. Happy New Year.

I HAVE BEEN A BAD BLOGGER THIS PAST WEEK. AS you can imagine, it has been a week of major adjustments and since I am home now (yippee!) I am retrying to reclaim my space. This is easier said than done. It takes great effort to get out of and into my bed. I am swollen from all the fluid they pumped into me and my pain meds weren't strong enough. It seems now though that I am on the right track and I am so thrilled. I am reassured that the water weight will come off, I have gone from 146 to 128 in a week, but I can still feel it in my joints and I have trouble climbing stairs and walking any kind of distance. I finding ways to keep myself comfortable and my mom got me snowman flannel sheets for a special homecoming. I will have to go to 2 or 3 medical appointments in the next threee months. They keep a close eye on you top make sure that everything is going properly. When I got back from the hospital, my car had a flat tire. It's not too bad now since I am not driving and tend to be a bit housebound. I thank everyone for their prayers- what power! What a Christmas present! More later...

I would never recommend having 2 surgeries in one week, nevermind 3. I was trying to wrap up my 2005 medical needs, so I consented to having a gyn procedure to fix up those damn abnormal cells I get and then consented/resented getting a fistula put in for dialysis access. I was exhausted and just wanted everything over with. I came out of the fistula procedure and waited for my mother to deliver my first meal of the day- a bagel. But for some reason, it was taking her a really long time. It turns out that when the nurse called the day surgery family waiting center, my mom had been called to the renal dialysis center to talk to one of the doctors- now? I thought- I just wanted to go home, with my bagel. Little did I know what was unfolding.
While I was getting my fistula, on the opposite coast of the US, Ted Fates, my dearest friend Mandy's husband, received a strange blanket email from a colleague stating that one of his friends was on life support and a willing organ candidate looking for a recipient of A+ bloodtype already listed with UNOS. Ted sprung into action, calling Mandy and Mrs Rushforth who set the ball in motion with the details and making the calls, not sure what the email was all about, but not about to let an opportunity slip by. My mom got the call from Jan in the day surgery unit and went upstairs to see if it was possible. The two hospitals conversed and the plan was set in motion. The renal doc looked me over and stated that I was probably in the best shape for surgery now. She would admit me, give me a brief dialysis treatment and work me up while we confirmed independently the typing of the candidates sample. A lot was still up in the air and I wasn't sure if this was the right time...was I ready? I couldn't turn this down, too much of God's plan for me was unfolding. Pretty much everything was a go. We waited for the paperwork to be completed and for the organs to be harvested as we learned more about this kind man's life and the events that brought us to this point. His wife had a blog, on this site, that detailed their tragedy: brettstern.blogspot.com... It was a six hour flight for the kidney from California and Mandy was on her way as well. No way she would miss this one. At 9:17 on Thursday Dec 8th, the first incisions were made. The kidney went right to work, it was big and beautiful and healthy. Everyone was happy with the results. I have ballooned up, per usual from the steriods, which I am told and know from experience, is normal and that as I accept the kidney and adjust, the water will come off. My emotions will stabilize and I will begin again.
I have had many visitors and well wishers and once again I feel that life is one set of miracles after another. Even though my emtions have run the gammet I know that I will choose to honor the legacy that this man has granted upon me. My outlook has brightened. I immediately called dialysis and told them to take me off the schedule- they were shocked. Figures though doesn't it- right after I get the fistula- I get the kidney. No complaints. I miss the puppa dog and my house, but I have been reassured that I will be home tomorrow or the next day (!)
My progress has been wonderful and I got my tubes and junk out today. I just have some staples holding me in place. I took some pictures, but since I am writing from the clink, I'm not sure they will upload. Stay tuned...

God works in mysterious ways my friends. I will blog in full detail tomorrow, but for those who have not heard- I have received a lifesaving kidney and I am feeling wonderful. I am saddened by the donor families tremendous loss, who also has a blog page on this site, ironically. But as my friends and family know, I will honor hsi legacyh to the fullest. Health, happiness, love and laughter...Jill

Not much to write today. I am exhausted from Ct scans in the middle of the night, a horrible dialysis, awful medicine and a very restrictive diet. I haven't deen many doctors really, but apparently they may let me go home tomorrow. Of course, I would still have to come back up Monday and Tuesday for the procedures I have scheduled. I think I will take a nap. The worst day in the hospital is always the first. I would however like to feel better before I go home to that nightmare.

Okay, so I try to pull up one picture and five pop up- nonetheless enjoy the picture of me and Courtney at her baby shower this Saturday. She is due with a girl in early March and she really seems to have already embraced the role of motherhood. Congratulations Court and GW!

I have been lapse in my blogging for several reasons- mostly because I haven't felt well. What began as a simple ear infection landed me in the Jordan Hospital ER. They had to give me two shots of morphine to ease the immense pain, and I'm no baby. Then I had drops to ease the inflammation. Both did very little. The little bastard tehn moved down into my sinuses and alas, settled in my lungs. Coughing makes me very anxious, given my past and finally I decided that a trip into the old clink would be necessary. I have the surgeries finally scheduled for next week so maybe I'll be in good shape and can still get them done. I always have pneumonia this time of year- I don't know what made me think that this year would be any different. My colon has quieted down- I am happy to report and I'm sure you are happy to read, BUT they are starting me with antibiotics for this lung infection so the chances are great that my colon issues will return with a vengence.

Scott, Audrey, Kristen, Todd and Carrie joined us for Thanksgiving. I wasn't much of a joy though. My head felt like I was in a fish bowl and I could only hear garble and bits of side conversation. It sucked. I also visited my dad's house and snapped some updated photos of baby Jude. I also went to Deb's to check in on them. My grandfather has a new, less restricitve cast and he seemed to be in good spirits. The biggest joy I had was popping some NyQuil, a klonopin, and hitting the hay. Only recently were my nights interrupted by mucus and coughing fits.

Carrie has been very busy with teaching and work. I think that she may be getting sick of living with me, which I can understand since I have little to share about my stay at home- got to dialysis life. She is looking to meet friends and expand her social circle, especially for New Year's, I, on the otherhand, can not commit to anything long term. I was hoping the holidays would perk me up and not be stressful. Maybe the hospital visit will be the vacation that I need.

There hasn't been much to report about in the past couple of days, but to honor my lovely, loyal reader Shippy, AKA the Southern Monkey, I will update. I finally made it to the Brigham to get my venous mapping completed. It looks like it will have to be in my right arm as they suspected before because my left arm is overused and scarred from the years of multiple needle sticks and IVs. (I recall one time when I was young and at the Floating when Courtney came to visit and they had to stick me 23 times before they succeeded.) ANYWHo...no I wait for the call to see when the surgery will be planned. I go back to the clink on Friday to see the tummy doc. Of course, not that i'm complaining, but this week has been a good week for the colon. On the otherhand I have a head cold and have been in a zombie-like state for the past 30+ hours. I really need a shower, but my head is clogged so I can't smell myself- it can't be that bad. I hadn't really seen my grandfather because I was in bad shape last week, but I stopped to see him and he is doing great- he even got out and about (see photo above- yes, he is giving the finger, whihc is a good sign he's back to normal.) He would never touch a computer, especially after the dateline special on internet predators, but he is my special person for today. I keep plugging away at this life because I know he is too. I have had conversations with him that I would have never expected.
In other news, the Kitty Kat Klub president from the old TriDelta days, Dr. Allison Kanter Agliata, had a baby girl, Lia Brooke on November 8th, many well wishes to her and her family- way to go DAN and his mighty seed! I haven't had the opportunity to see baby Jude again because I don't want to go over there all germy and I know they are settling into a routine. Happily, I managed to keep myself out of the hospital for the time being- the holidays are usually tough and I usually get pneumonia so I'm doing everything I can to stay well as long as I can. I may do a lot of my holiday shopping online to avoid the germfest that is the mall. I anticipate a lot of christmas cards this year to thank and reach 0ut to all those that supported my supper club. Since I am disabled and broke, I plan on creating some gifts this year- so if your sucks- know that its at least from the heart.
My prayers go out to Jenn Cross still, besides her dad struggling with cancer, her mom was recently in the hospital with diverticulitis.
until next time...

Today I was supposed to go to the Clink for a venous mapping appointment. This is an ultrasound diagnostic procedure in which my arm veins are measured and "mapped" to look for the best connection between my veins and artery to create a fistula, or access for dialysis. I have a catheter in my clavicle now but they are prone to infection (i.e., sepsis that nearly killed me in March). Since I have no immune system, the doctors are surprised I have done so well. I say iwas supposed to go because I didn't make it. I got up, showered, set my coffee pot, got dressed and was about out the door when BAM! colon blow! I was in the bathroom so long that there was no way I was going to make it in town and rushing would just cause me more distress. I called and explained, but now I have to wait for the next appointment. I guess maybe I am a bit of a mental case, just thinking about going up there causes anxiety. What in particular I am anxious about- I'm not sure. maybe about being admitted. Maybe that I'll get news I don't want to hear. Maybe that I'll have to experience something painful or embarassing, though that is nothing new. I didn't sleep the night before, and I am not taking any Ativan or other sleep aids. Lack of sleep is making moody. I went to my old shift of dialysis, which literally is like night and day. I like the night shift much better. So I am going switch to the new center or to the other shift. It turns out that a nice woman Nancy was given too much heparin, took a fall when she got home and nearly bled to death. This is the third incident that I know of that has occured at this center, including myself this spring. It was a year on the 4th that I have been doing dialysis and I am still looking for an acceptable and willing donor. I have to check into the situation for my friend Jenn who wants to be tested. My mom is losing weight and not drinking to see if her blood pressure goes down. She is doing awesome and I want her to be healthy even if she isn't eligible to give me an organ. I am very proud of her efforts. I don't know if I could be a mother, well I know I can't physically, but to be that sacrificial.

Detroit got a bath today too- he wasn't very happy. He keeps licking his paws. I looked and there is no burr or sore spot. Does anyone have any advice of how I can make the puppa stop suffering? Please post.

For the past couple of days, I have spending time with my grandfather as he is recuperating from his patella tendon repair. He is expected to be in an ankle to hip cast for 6-8 weeks. I expected him to be less mobile, but he has been up and walking to the bathroom, out to check the mail, around setting lights, etc. My aunt Deb arranged home health aides until Wednesday but he really doesn't need much help. The concern is more about him falling getting out of bed at night. He has plenty of friends that come and visit during the day so he is never alone long then. I usually funtion best in the afternoon so I have been going over about 4pm and I stay until 9:30 10pm, as long as I know Detroit can hold his bladder with no accidents. I know it stinks for Papa to be sick, but I have really enjoyed spending time with him. It stinks that something bad has to happen for me to realize it. I think I got my fighting spirit from him. He has beaten cancer twice. He had a motor home fall on him while changing a tire. He totalled his motor cycle in Sturgis. The one battle he couldn't win was my grandmother's brain tumor. She was a fighter too, she had girly cancer and had a hysterectomy, she had a heart attack and kept fighting, but the tumor got the best of her and she lost her ability to speak and complete thoughts. Seeing my grandmother struggle and to lose her, took away his faith. I think he is angry with God, I have been angry too, in my life, but I have also reconciled that God's will will be done and his purpose is not known- you ahve to accept that. I just finished 90 minutes in Heaven, a memior about a man who got in a terrible car accident and was dead and then came back to life to find new challenges, including pain and depression, and a reason to live. He poses a lot of questions I have had myself as someone trying the best they can just to simply exist, simply to be ....

Today, Saturday, even though it really is Sunday morning, my friend Jenn Cross came to visit. See picture above. I have written abnout my dear friend in earlier posts. Jenn has been back in the US to care for her father who is fighting cancer. He is very sick, yet Jenn manages to aska bout my situation and offered to be tested to see if she is a candidate for kidney donation for me. Just the thought is touching. I have a picutre of Jenn behind me in line for First Communion, both of being North Plymouth gals. We really grew to be friends in junior high when we were both hospitalized. Jenn has ulcerative colitis and has been very healthy to have kept it in check over the years- she knows the hell prednisone can cause. I can go years without seeing Jenn and then catch up with her and no time seems to have lapsed. She is a true friend. I am lucky to have so many friends as I do. She's also writing a book and she is prodding em along in working on my book. She is the original blogger: see detouring-daily.com

Today I ate all the salami my grandfather had in his house and I am very swollen. It's nearly 3 in the morning so I should probably head to bed and elevate those piggers. 'til next time...

I have had a terrible relapse of my colon issues since I have last written. October 29th was particularly troubling. Not only because of my poor health and spirit that day, but because it was the first snow. It crusted the leaves with almost an inch and left a dusting on my jack-o-lantern. I wonder what the Winter will be like- as harsh as it was last year?- Nonetheless, I have been continuously growing grumpier by the day due to an erratic sleep schedule and the trots. I barely leave the house. I barely muster the energy for proper hygiene practices, just when I find my own scent sufficiently disconcerting, do I find the strength to take that essential bath. Anyway, I put myself back on my medicine and decided maybe I shouldn't play doctor this week. I am recovering. I think sometimes I am just complaining too much and need to get off the sinking sulking ship and get aboard the Good Ship Lollypop. Other people have it worse right? SO what if I don't get my vacation to Florida and Homecoming. I still need to send out the mass email with my regrets to those I planned on redezvousing with.
So off the subject- for the past two days I have been experiencing extreme right leg pain, so much so that it hurt to walk. My pain tolerance is pretty high and I know its not my imagination. I had taken a fall last week but I landed mostly on wrists and those bruises have healed. I am riddled with bruises on my legs anyway from the anemia and diabetes so there weren't any tell tale signs of specific injuries. On Halloween, I almost had Carrie escort me to the Hospital for an xray. Today I went to do errands and stopped by my mom's where Darryl, my stepfather, asked about my grandfather's leg, I had no idea what he was talking about ande he said that he heard that he broke it this weekend. Well, right away I went to his house, which was dark, and then went to my aunts,a nd she said that he busted it and he was in the hospital. He injured it on Sunday and had surgery on Halloween. THE SAME LEG THAT WAS HURTING ME> Now, I have read the Celestine Prophecy several times years back, which for those unfamiliar, is a spiritual journey set in an adventure much like the Da Vinchi Code, this is the pre-millenium version. One of the tenets of the CP is that there are no coincidences. Rather, the world conjures these experiences to give us a message, or act as guideposts that lead us to a high purpose. My message is that I need to spend more time with my grandfather. That is exactly what I will do in the next coming weeks since he shouldn't be alone in a cast hip to toe and mentally, only leaving the house for dialysis is not healthy, so perhaps, I have a message for him and his injury at this time as well.

More pictures of the Fall changes to the trees. Most of the leaves were blown off during the Nor'easter. The high temperature today is 49 degrees with a low near freezing. Yuck. No snow yet though, for those of you who asked. Good thing I have new coat to warm my bones. I didn't do much today but sleep. I was up late doing laundry and (shocking) watching the World Series. When I did settle down it was three and I was finally graced by sleep at 4am. Needless to say, it was probably a result of too much caffeine. Started a new chick lit book, mindless enough to rest my brain but to keep me interested. off to read it...

Wow! I didn't realize it had been so long since I had blogged, nor did I realize that people were actually reading it on a regular basis- great. This week has been uneventful, just trying to cope with the stomach and sadness as it is evident that I won't be able to make it to UCF Homecoming in Orlando as I had intended. Dialysis require upfront $ for the 20% that Medicare doesn't cover upfront, I have to get a fistula, venous access surgery, for dialysis during this time period, and its flu season: a plane during flu season is not the best place to be for someone so immunocompromised such as myself. BUT my main reason, no pun intended, is my butt, and my fear, which is completely rational in my humble opinion, that I'm going to relapse and prolapse and have a colon emergency or embarassing situation. I stopped taking the vancomycin and probiotic therapy for the colon infection and things have actually been a thousand times better. It was either that or my mom's magic pancakes that she made me on Sunday that created such improvement. I blew off some steam on Friday with a trip to Old Navy, I needed some shirts that weren't stained by my shakiness or dialysis. I don't want to look like a scum bag, even if its just me that sees my image in the mirror. What is it about shopping that always makes me feel better? I had saved some money,but since I am not going... I haven't talked to my friend Jenn, who is likely in Boston spending time with her much ailing Father, please keep him in your prayers beside me. Today, Carrie and I went out to dinner at Bugaboo Creek Steak House- I left my Coach Signature Crusher hat there like a dumb ass so I'll have to get it tomorrow. I have been on a Diet Mountain Dew Kick since Diet Coke has too much phospherous in it and my labs get thrown off. It gave me the energy today to get what to me seems like a lot accomplished. I can't tell you the last time I was brave enough to actually eat in a restaurant- take out- yes, so that I could be close to my own toilet, if you know what I mean. So I borrowed some of Hooker's ativan last night to help with sleep. It's amazing what a good night sleep will do for you. I'll have to see the doctor to reevaluate my sleep aids to get back in a normal swing of things- three hours at dialysis just isn't enough. Even that has been restricted since the old man they called Herbie has been praying very loudly the ENTIRE time I am there. I was going to ask (politely) if one of the nurses could ask him to pray to himself, but just when I was about to- the power went OUT! This was before the Nor'easter, so there was no weather related reason that caused the outage. I decided that it was God's way of telling me to stop being such a jerk and give this guy some peace. I guess I'll just have to start bringing headphones. I guess I could use a little prayer myself. But tonight I'll be thinking of my Friends in South Florida, who are suffering, again, from a hurricane.

Carrie and I tried to take some Fall pictures of the pets bu they weren't so cooperative, except for the cat who wanted to be in every picture. My main problem is the shakes causing blurriness in the photos- editing doesn't really help the image distortion. Any tips-amateur photogs?

I have had so much time on my hands that I have at least not wasted the opportunity to watch the Fall unfold before me. It is ironic to think that the beauty of these trees is in their time of death. I did very little today. While at dialysis, an old senile man prayed the Hail Mary over and over outloud for two and a half solid hours. My stomach was doing ok, and then exploded and I left dialysis early- they were out of toilet paper and I didn't want to risk it. I am trying to accomplish at least one goal a day so that I can mentally feel like I am prodictive and contributing something meaningful to the day since I get up and about around 4 in the afternoon these days. It's embarassing to say. So my accomplishments today were cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, and setting up dialysis for my Florida trip. I have to decide if I am going to take the second part of Fall classes- I signed up for one. Right now, $ is up in the air but most of all my stomach. I don't know if I should just wait until the winter since I would have to miss a couple classes due to my Homecoming trip. I guess I have a lot to think about... any advice?

It's a gloomy day in Plymouth, although it's not raining. We had 9 solid days of rain and a lot of local towns are flooded. I'm not so worried about it here since we live on a big hill with no water sources in the region besides the ocean which is two miles away. It's very windy today. The cat tried to sit by the window and got blown down. I am not mtoivated to do anything today, which I keep telling myself is okay, but makes me feel like a loser. I probably should shower and vacuum, but I'd rather go back to bed, even though I did just get up like an hour ago. Even Carrie got up and out and went to get her nails done and went to the mall. I wasn't even motivated for that- I kind of wish it was raining. Instead, I am watching a TLC special on midgets, I mean "little people" to be politically correct.

I finally made it over to my brother Chris and his wife Tiggy's house to see baby Jude Dylan above. He is adorable and it has been so long since I have held a baby. My brother is totally pumped to be a dad and I don't think the reality of it all has quite set in fully. Tiggy looks good for giving birth just a week ago. Chris told me that when they got in the car to go to the hospital, when they turned on the radio "hey Jude" was playing. What a coincidence! My brother is a big Beatles fan and is what I would describe as an old soul, with this in mind, it was also ironic that baby Jude shares John Lennon's birthday. I am hopeful that I will be able to watch this baby grow up and that I will be a good aunt to him. I have a nephew!

It has been raining here for more than a week. I am home from the hospital and am physically recovered from the colonoscopies, though mentally, its a different story. I still haven't been to see my nephew because I have been under this horrible weather, but I hope I'll be up to it this weekend. I have custody of my mom's digital camera so I'll be able to post some picutres of the boy. My stomach is a little better, though it still has flare ups and episodes. My sleeping pattern is skewed because of the weird hospital schedule. The only thing I have accomplished this week was a haircut- I cut a little fringe of bangs, which was like most of my actions, was completely impulsive and random, but the results are not bad. I'll post a picutre of them as soon as I look good enough to be seen on the web. Unfortunately, my friend Jenn is back from her world travels and adventurous life in Espana. Her dad took a turn for the worse- though she seems ready to accept that he is likely succombing to the wrath of cancer, her family seems less likely to see the end of him and more like to be spending the moment in denial. I think tha tmakes things worse later on. But nonetheless, I keep the family in my prayers and don't give up faith because God knows I've been in the position where recovery seems impossible as well and things have turned out for the best. You never know where the soul can summon strenght from in moments of challenge. I wish it was easier to take my own advice sometimes, isntead of me getting caught up in my own pity party.

The picture reveals that Fall is here, even with all the rain.

Turn your head and check out the beginning of Fall in New England

I have a lot to catch up on but my stomach is currently on the blink so I will just write the highlights of the past couple of days.
1. My nephew Jude Dylan was born on Saturday October 8th. I can't wait to see him but I have been under the weather still.
2. I am out of the hospital, for now. Currently still experiencing symptoms so we'll see what happens haven't really been leaving the house except for dialysis. Luckily, its been rainy so I'm not missing much.
3. I had two colonoscopies last week and they didn't sedate me nearly as much as I needed so I have been very uncomfortable. I had an accident on the way to the pot and skidded on my bathroom floor so my knee is swollen. Could it get much worse?
On a happy note, Courtney got me some ruby slippers to boost my spirits- that did the trick as she drove me home from the clink and shared the good newsw that she and GW are expecting a baby girl in March. Yippee for them.

Oh how I miss my Puppa dog. He was happy to see me today, which made me feel loved.