I don't even think that a new pair of shoes would make me feel better today. I had dialysis today to make up from a Tuesday unworthy of sitting anywhere besides the toilet. Today I made it through though but I am just emotionally drained and I am feeling sorry for myself, which is not normal for me and feels wrong on so many levels. I know I am frustrating everyone around me, including my dog, who just wants to sleep undisturbed. He comes to the bathroom door and pokes his head in to check on me periodically. Sometimes he sits and watches me sit, but grows bored and leaves to scratch or lick himself, typical male. He is the only thing that gets me out of bed. In my scrapbook of 2004, the last page said "2005 will be better" well, it hasn't and September is nearly over. The next three months have pretty high expectations on them and best to just cast them aside and chalk this year up as a loser too. No kidney, no companion, no credit. But I'm not ready to jump off the bridge just yet and the handful of pills I take are those which I've been prescribed. Maybe Jay Leno will make me laugh.